Out to the Burn

I got caught doing 35 in a 25 mile/hour zone. We were happily driving down this desert road and a cop car comes along with its lights going mad so I pulled in. And he didn't pass me, he parked behind me. And I nearly died. It's a good job I don't drink and drive. He said if I had been speeding in a school zone he would have had to fine me, but all in all he was a nice old man and he let me off warning us both to drink plenty of water for our duration in the desert. Thank feck!

We had stopped at thrift stores and bought bowls and cutlery for the burning man festival. We brought a HEAP of drink aswell, and gallons of water. We reached the 'playa' after dark and had to look for a camping area by driving around. Scald.

As a welcome to Burning Man 2008 we had to bang a giant bell and scream "I am not a virgin anymore!" and then roll in the dusty sand (which destroyed us). We also ERECTED our tent in the dark. We had nothing to hammer the pegs in with and I tried using a can of Carlsberg like an idiot and it busted all over me. One can down, 59 to go.

Going for a walk that night we were very out of place. Because we looked like normal people. Everyone else was dressed up and painted or just naked. We just had normal clothes on. So we made plans on how to look like mentallers for the next few days. Grand.

That night we met our neighbours and we all drank and shared all our stuff it was amazing. They were from England, Canada, USA and N. Ireland. A good mix!

Next day we woke in our tent which was probably 40 degrees inside. Horrific. We cycled and walked around the place, looking for the giant man that was to be burned. I had body paint on but it didn't stop me from getting blasted by the sun. It was so important to drink loads of water.

That night we found an absynthe bar. You could smell the place from 100 metres away, because they actually brewed absynthe in there in front of you. That stuff was a killer. Next morning I spontaneously spewed and didn't know why. It was either the intense heat, the ingestion of loads of dust, or else the absynthe.... not sure...

Then I went off on the bike to get loads of brilliant photos. And I did. Then we did another cycle trip with a few of the gang. It turned out there was a huge women's topless cyclathon. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. haha.

A big party called 'Road Block' happened on our street and they gave out free drinks and I played the guitar, Elaine chimed along on the tamberine! The organisers kept giving out drinks and snacks, they said I really improved their party by playing the guitar for everyone. But I think they really improved my Burning Man experience by having such a brilliant party. They wouldn't even let bicycle traffic go by without taking a shot of something.

That night we all got dressed up again. I had a crazy jester type hat that I bought in Ecuador for such an occasion. I made my face up like the Joker in The Dark Knight and I carried around a Joker card. I really freaked people out. Elaine was a locked Marilyn Monroe type character! or snow white or something. Carl Cox played that night. He was ok.

When everyone went to bed I decided to go for a walk. I woke up in a museum type place the next morning. A Persian family woke me up to tell me the sun was coming up and inviting me to come and see it. Classic. Imagine waking up The Joker to tell him that the sun is coming up.

A terrible 'white out' occurred that day and we were in the RV with the Tyrone crowd and it turned out to be excellent. ACDC was the music of choice for Burning Man. Fantastico! Old Sue was looking for us for 2 hours in the heavy sand storm and when she turned up, her hair was grey from the sand! Mental. You couldn't see your hand in front of you that day. We had to wear big WWII gas masks.

Sadly Elaine and I got separated for the burn of the giant man but still it was an amazing sight. A giant wooden man on fire and fireworks all around. It was a magic time! 'Fat Bottomed Girls' by Queen came on giant speakers after the man collapsed in a giant explosion of flames. Me and old Angus went mad!

That was the end of the Burning Man. I would go back every year if I had the time and money. I cannot explain how brilliant this festival is. They were some of the happiest days of my life.