White Water Rafting

We could not do white water rafting in B.C., Canada, because of time and money and some of the others weren´t able to swim.

And I promised old Elaine we would definitely do it in South America. And we did so just outside Cusco. Our Brazilian raft guide was an absolute mentaller and he had us doing all sorts of mental stunts! It was a great one. There was a bit of rowing involved. They were Class 3 rapids which is just right for someone who has never done it.

There was a girl at the back of our boat who was probably about 6 stone and she was thrusted from the boat on more than one occasion. We had to pull her back into the boat quickly. Action. Then she learned how to hold on using her feet. Funny enough. Me and Lainzer were safe though. We are pros, in fact.

After the rafting I saw 2 American guys and one was sitting on a bench posing for a photo. He was not looking at the camera but looking onward in a pensive state. I think it´s really REALLY funny when I see Americans doing that kind of thing for a photo.

Lollipop lady

On the way to La Paz on a long bus journey I encountered something very infuriating. The bus took a break at a shop so the passengers could buy snacks and go to the jacks. I was queuing to buy a bottle of water when this ABsolute SPA was in front of me. She spent about 4 minutes haggling over lollipops. I was outraged. There were people with genuine purchasing needs and here was this woman haggling over the price of 4 lollipops. You can imagine the irritation.

Then when she had the 4 lollipops she decided they were the wrong flavor so out with the whole fucking box of lollipops while Brendan waits behind to buy a bottle of water.

I wanted to get a giant contraption that would catapult her into the sun. With her lollipops.

End of angry rant. Back to happy travel blog.

The mad photos from the Salt Flats

We got to see the sunrise on the salt flats. Although freezing, it was a great thing. These Salt Plains in Bolivia are the largest in the world. There have been recent jeep accidents on the salt flats from busted tyres and careless speeding. There was a large cross in the middle of them with flowers all around and evidence of burst and exploded fuel tanks. It was a morbid feeling to think that those travellers were having the same great time that we were, but were gone from the world minutes later.

Here are some of the photos we made using the salt flats great illusion-making landscape....

Salt flats, Coldsville, Bolivia.

In Bolivia we learned that Bolivians will tell you the most ridiculous lies in order to get you to buy their product.

We bought a 4 day expedition across the Salt Plains of Bolivia from 'Torres'. They said we would have an English guide, and 2 litres of water each per day. Bastards. When we got into our jeep on the morning we left, the English tour guide was outside the jeep and he said 'No room for me, sorry!' and he waved us off with a driver and cook who had not an ounce of English. Also the people who were on the tour with us were told that Elaine and I had superb English and Spanish and would be able to translate everything for them. Moral of the story, never trust anyone. We never knew what the driver was telling us so we always had to get 1 of the Germans to translate. Our little Spanish phrase book wasn't too helpful.

It was a good ould adventure though. It was cold and arduous. On the first day we stopped for lunch in a plain that was full of llama crap and llamas. We were given a peculiar lunch that day. Cold llama meat, a boiled egg, and some bean type stuff. Oh and Fanta. It was funny to eat llama meat while looking at llamas.

There was the driver, the cook (a round little woman who laughed at EVERYTHING), and three Germans; Sabastian, Philip and Meischa. They were grand. They spoke English sometimes and when they did they were sound. They could translate Rammstein lyrics for me.

All 3 nights of the trip were freezing. The drinking water froze in the bottles at night and in the morning. Temperatures went as low as -20oC and it made sleep alot harder. We slept on concrete/salt beds that had a fairly harmless mattress over them. Elaine and I had been forewarned about how cold it would be at night when we tried to sleep so we had bought 3 blankets for about 5 euro. Deal. We also had a hot water bottle. We know what -30 is like from living in Toronto so we knew -20 is not a laughing matter!

We reached altitudes of up to 5000 metres. If I remember correctly, it is 13 miles from sea level to the beginning of the ozone layer. Therefore on this trip we were one quarter of the way to the exit towards outer space. The air was awfully thin and our hearts pounded rapidly any time we did anything even as strenuous as climbing a staircase. Everyone felt it, it made one or two people a bit panicky at night because they would wake up feeling like they were suffocating.

At night we could see the Milky Way more vividly than ever before, due to the lack of lights pollution from nearby towns or cities, and also because we were closer to space. The blue streak across the sky was a brilliant sight. It was a pity it was much too cold to watch it for more than five minutes. And the camera could not take a good photo either.

I think we are a bit used to looking at tonnes of mountains from being on the Rocky mountains road trip, so the mountains on this excursion didn´t dazzle us that much. Spoiled brats we are. What was great though was that we saw loads of different coloured lagoons. Red, green, brown, purple. It was like the hue of the whole landscape had been adjusted. They were created from all the volcanic eruptions that had happened between the last few decades and the last few millenia. There were natural hot springs we could bathe in and natural craters bursting with steam. It felt like we were on Mars sometimes. The gases in places was very toxic so we were warned about that too.

We drove past an active volcano aswell. Sher not a bother to us!

At night I tried a few times to play the guitar at the drivers request. At least I think that was what he was asking for! But it's very hard to play the guitar with mittens on or when you cannot feel your fingers. Poor cold neglected guitar.

The Coke guy

There is nothing worse than to arrive in a town where you expect to spend a lot of money only to be told there is no ATM in the town. Tupiza is such a town.

After Iguazu we spent a few days making our way west in Argentina to get to a place where we could begin a Salt Flats tour.

We had to cross the border from Argentina to Bolivia early one morning. Freezing of course. We had a sandwich each in our bag and we were terrified of being stopped and having the lettuce from our sandwiches confiscated!

When we had crossed the border, one of our gringo aquaintances asked Elaine to mind his bag while he bought a bus ticket to Uyuni. So that was grand. Old Elaine was there minding his bag, and he came back and was putting the bag in luggage storage and Elaine was helping him. Then he said ´wait I just have to get something´ and he opened his bag and took out a giant bag of coke in the middle of a public bus station - right in front of Elaine. She was horrified that she had been minding his bag with cocaine in it in a public place with soldiers and police around!

The funny thing about that was that we were sweating over bringing sandwiches over the border in our rucksacks when this lad cruised over the border with cocaine at the top of his school bag!!!

Back to Kinder Bueno

After old Rio we got the flight back to B.A., for one more night. It was the first night we had to spend in different dorms. I had to share a dorm with the hostels resident slapper. She was really loud talking while I tried to sleep. So I listened to Dimmu Borgir serenade me to sleep.

A funny memory about the Clan Hostel in BA was that the brekky chef listened to Coldplay´s new album every morning. And I kept Me and Mark´s ongoing joke running that you start to love Coldplay when you reach your mid 20s. haha. Everyone thought I was slagging Coldplay but really I wasn´t! I´m mid 20s myself.

The next place was Puerto Iguassu. A village that called itself a city. With one banklink. And no shops took credit card. Scaldaloon. The attraction of Iguazu is the giant waterfalls on the Brazilian border. It was very epic. How many massive waterfalls will I have to see to get numb to their unfathomable power!


We did this boat ride and actually went UNDER the waterfall and got destroyed! Absolutely soaked for the day. The water was freezing. And there was a kid crying behind me. That made it for me. Because he thought it was over but the boat just kept going back in and the kid was going mental. His dad was just laughing. A good man.



We went on a walk to a waterfall named ´The Devils Throat´. Metal. There was a sign that warned about snakes and Elaine went mental. I told her that there are no snakes on the path because they are afraid of humans. haha.

You learn loads about people when you go travelling. There was this pair of very masculine women also at Iguazu Falls on the same day. They just gave out and snapped at each other every time we saw them. Why the hell are they travelling together if they are like that all the time? Mental. I wonder what they are arguing about as I type this.

We did not go to the Brazilian side of the waterfalls for a different perspective of the falls. We just headed to Salta on a 23 hour bus journey - a bit horrific. But the buses are better than Bus Eireann buses. They have food and movies. I have heard stories about people having their cameras and passports and even their full bags stolen on these buses. We have been ultra careful so far and have not have any issues. Apparently Ecuador is the place where the thieves (or ´ladrones´) are the cleverest. I´ve heard of some ingenius ways that people have stolen handbags. We will be there in a few weeks.

Copacana, Favela, Old Rio.

Rio de Janieiro is mental. And that´s it. Partyville. We arrived at our quietish hostel in Copacabana around the 7th of July and stayed there for 5 nights. We were all scared about being outside the hostel after dark because of the fear mongery that is the Lonely Planet book warnings. The Copacabana beach is class. Very long and the sand is nice. We went to a stall where the guy gets a big machete and butchers a coconut and puts a straw in it and you can drink the milk. It´s brilliant stuff for a hangover. I´ll craving one every weekend when I get home. I might plant a coconut tree or two in Navan. And buy a machete. In Centra.

Another deadly thing about the Copacabana and Ipanema beaches are the waves. They are perfect for surfing because they are huge only 10 metres off the shore. So you don´t have to paddle miles out and get eaten by a shark in order to get a good wave. Gooooood.


A downfall is that you can´t go at night because you might get mugged or chloroformed for your money or valuables... Another downfall is when you are lying on the beach in the sun you get about 25 people coming up to you per hour offering you necklaces, bracelets, drinks, scarves, flags and other crap. I felt really sorry for them when I turned them away though. It killed me to see them move along with all their stuff to try sell to the next person.

On our first full day we went up to the Sugarloaf mountain on a cable car. Epic enough. Then a cathedral yoke, and then the ´Christ The Redeemer´ monument that overlooks Rio. It is a great big Jesus lad on a mountain. I´m sure you know it. It is not as big as you would think but it´s way better than one I could do anyway. There we saw a sunset and I took a few award winning photos. (Queue Elaine saying ´Self praise is no praise, Brendan.´)


We met a 19 year old European who has been travelling a long time and while he was in a jungle in Mexico he married a 24 year old lady with a child. They got giant matching tattoos instead of wedding rings. And his parents don´t know he did that yet. They didn´t even know he was in Rio. I might be wrong, but I have a feeling he is a bit of a fool. It was funny when he fell from the top of a triple bunk bed in the middle of the night with a giant ´THUD´ and then got up really quickly so no one would know what happened.

We did the Favela tour. This is a tour of a slum area of Rio. It is the one where City of God is based. I did not want to go at first because I felt it would be patronizing of me to be visiting all the poor people and looking at them being poor. I was wrong to think this. It was a very interesting and non dangerous experience. And 60% of what we paid for the trip goes to a nursery and school in the Favela. And it is rare for money to be paid into a Favela that is not drug related.

The Favela had internet cafes, bakeries, and all the normal stuff a town would have. I dont think I´d want to live there though. It´s awfully filthy and cluttered. Houses are all built on top of each other. The drug lord and head of the Favela is only 23 years of age and this is the normal life expectancy for the head of a favela. He will probably be dead within a year or 2 and the next person will take over. They start in the drug and guns business at the age of 7 or 8. There was a night club in the favelas aswell but we didnt go and i heard it was just full of kids with guns and also a bit of a sausagefest. So no deal.

If I was to recommend one place to go out in Rio, its Lapa. It´s a giant street party with samba music, dancing, and food and drink stalls. Needless to say the lockedness was immense. We stayed out until about 5am which is actually an early time to be going home. When we were waiting for a bus, I felt a sudden pushing and shoving and I looked around and a lad was going through my pockets. I shouted NO loads of times and started pushing him away and Elaine exclaims ´Brendan stop you are being searched!!´ True enough a cop with a machine gun on his back was checking if I had any drugs on me. No officer I´m fine for the old drugs. 15 cans will do me fine.