New Blog

Hi all.

My new blog is http://brenstein.wordpress.com/

It is mainly about things that happen in my mind. It may not be interesting to fellow backpackers, but I hope it does one of the following to its readers:

• Gets a laugh
• Gets a cry
• Makes someone pensive
• Makes someone curious
• Teaches someone something they did not know

Thank you for your time.

Being Home

Being home has had phases of sorrow and joy. For the first few months I had mixed feelings about not being able to find a job in Sligo.

Having no job allows much time for the development of my piano and guitar skills, but there is no savings going on. Which means it is not certain when we will be able to continue our travels of the planet.

The light at the end of the tunnel is merely an oncoming train!

This concludes this blog, until the next time I travel. I hope it was enjoyable to those of you who followed it!

Take it easy.

Your friend and mine,

Brendan

Fear and Loathing

Having no idea how to play Blackjack or Poker or anything else, Vegas was still class. Money tastic though. Despite the absolute wealth of Vegas, I saw more cockroaches in 3 days of Vegas than in 2 months of South America. They are ugly little yokes.

The receptionist of our hostel was an absolute asshole, but we tried to ignore that fact, and enjoy Vegas. The rumor that if you sit at slot machines a woman comes along and offers you free drink - it's true. Classic. One thing I didn't expect was the crapness of the slot machines. I thought that it would be a bit fun because we'd win a bit of money then lose a bit more, and so on... But really it was just feeding money into a machine and getting nothing in return.

It was mad watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas after being in the place. There are so many areas referred to in the movie that we had been in. Like the Circus Casino. Being in Seattle, Vegas, San Fran and LA was like walking into all those movies and TV shows we had seen in the past. Except it wasn't quite what I had envisioned, every time, in a good way!

There was a lot of Heineken and rum drank on our last 3 days of the year away. Vegas was our last stop.

We had visited many parts of Ontario. Keswick, Toronto, Newmarket, Niagara Falls, Ottawa, Brockville, Algonquin Park, North Bay, Kitchener, Mount Forrest, Owen Sound, Tobermory, Manitoulin Island, Newliskeard. Montreal Quebec.

We had been through NY State, and all through BC (Vancouver, Kamloops, Whistler, Lake Louise, Banff, Jasper). Seattle, Phoenix AZ, El Paso TX, Juarez Mexico.

Santiago Chile, Valparaiso, Mendoza Argentina, Buenos Aires, Rio de Janiero Brazil, back to Buenos Aires, Puerto Iguazu, Salta, La Quiaca Bolivia, Tupiza, Uyuni, La Paz, Copacabana.

Cuzco Peru, Aguas Calientes, Machu Pichu, Lima, Mancora, Puerto Lopez Ecuador, Quito.

Hollywood LA, Reno, Black Rock City, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Yosemite, Death Valley, Grand Canyon, Las Vegas.

Dublin. Sligo and Navan.

That was our 51 weeks.

Yosemite and Death Valley

After Santa Cruz we drove up to Yosemite National Park. I kept thinking of the little red moustache lad who hates Bugs Bunnys guts. Yosemite Sam. He has two massive handguns. I'd say he HATES foreigners aswell but they can't show that in cartoons... Anymore.

This park would be in my top 5 most beautiful places I've ever visited. It's truly pure and there is an amazing natural feeling that there's life around you everywhere you look. MILLIONS of trees obviously. And bears everywhere. We were very careful when camping with our food. They have special containers you put your food in, for every camping area, because even putting it in your car is not good enough. Bears can pull the door off.

I can't go into what we did in Yosemite. It's too much of a visual place where you have to have physical presence to really understand what its about.

When we drove into Death Valley, we listened to 'Welcome To Sky Valley' by Kyuss. It was pure rifftastic desert rock. There's no better album for such surroundings.

We stopped the car and walked out into the desert. I had my guitar, and had to keep banging it so Elaine would know that rattlesnakes would be scared away. There were small holes in the desert floor. I'm pretty sure they were snakes lairs. But I didn't tell old Elaine that.

Then we took a video of me playing 'A Horse With No Name', by America.

Parts of Death Valley are actually below sea level. Imagine that. Think about that. When you stand in Death Valley, you are below the surface level of the ocean. Damn that place is hot. And you would die there if you were lost. No question.

We were driving for 10 hours. After taking that video we went onward through Vegas, got lost, and got out the other side to the edge of Grand Canyon National Park. We stayed in a motel there because it was too dark to pitch a tent. Besides, every 'campsite' in the area was actually a feckin trailerpark. So no thanks.

When I looked into the Grand Canyon, I'm pretty sure I couldn't take it in. It has an overwhelming depth and vastness. We could see for 53 miles across it.

There were alot more people there than I expected, and it was not how I imagined it. But it was definitely as dangerous as I expected. If you take a wrong step too close, you'll fall for a million years.

We headed back to Vegas, not having died. A long road trip. And the petrol costs were a KILLER!

Santa Cruz

We met wonderful people at the burn who invited us to stay on their boat with them for a weekend. So we did. It was delightful.

We were amazingly locked. I love boats. I will never forget that sound invitation. Their kindness will remind me for years to come that being sound can really be appreciated. I will invite people to do stuff if they are coming to Ireland and don't know what to do. Because we appreciated this so much.

All we did all weekend was sit on the boat and listen to music, drive around on the boat, and eat food. We gave Donny a giant bottle of Southern Comfort as a reward for the soundness displayed. He still has not drank the full bottle, even nearly 2 months later. He says it's the only drink he ever stopped drinking due to it making him so sick one time.

Lightweight, Moo haha.

Alcatraz

Apparently the reason it was so hard to escape from Alcatraz not only because it was a maximum security prison, but also due to the freezing temperature of the water surrounding it and its dangerous currents. It is a known Tiger Shark Territory. And those things are mean. There is no known successful escape.

Al Capone was one of the highest profile inmates, he got 11 years for tax evasion.

There is a great audio tour of Alcatraz that I would recommend to anyone going. I stood in prison cells and saw the methods of escape that were implemented. I also stood in one of the punishment cells where it was completely dark and all you can do is sit on the floor for days.

The funny thing is that the families of the wardens actually lived with them on Alcatraz island, and the children would take the boat to school every day.

After that we were in a cool aquarium where I got to pet baby leopard sharks, and bat rays. I was terrified to do it at first. But then I did. I could not leave the place without being able to say I had done that.

That pic above is old Elaine in a tunnel aquarium looking at a giant shoal of fish. There were giant fish in there. Awesome.

This blog is more like a diary because it's not very likely that people actually read all this shite that I write. haha. I'm ok with it.

San Francisco - sound place

If you come to San Fran after 2 months in South America minding the pennies, you are gonna be shocked. Pints are up to 10 times the price of those in South America. But you just have to accept that you're back in the developed world! There were other people obviously coming back from the burn. When you saw them, the thing you greet each other with is "Happy Re-Entry."

For 3 or 4 days after Burning Man I felt as if I'd had my heart removed. I was so sad not to be there anymore.

From a bus station full of absolute MENTALLISTS in Reno, we got the Greyhound to San Francisco. I was in and out of sleep for the whole journey and when I looked out the window into the desert at night I thought I was still at the Burning Man. I could see lots of colourful lights and camper vans. I don't know if it was a mirage or not.

It was lovely to have a real bed and a shower in the hostel we stayed in. We walked around on our own for the first day. It's a lovely city. Obviously full of money, but that's not a resentful statement. It's just that when you were in an earthquake wrecked town in Ecuador a few days before, you notice a slight difference in budgets!

Next day we were in the area where Will Smith's 'The Pursuit of Happiness' is based. A poor area of San Fran where a preacher helps the needy. This preacher is actually in the movie. Surprise surprise. Lots of hills in the city, actually. You'd be a fit cyclist. A ROIDE. The tour guide said he was bringing us to 'one of the most beautiful sights in the world'. And he brought us to a hill overlooking the city. It was nice, like. But it makes you think how open your mind becomes from travelling alot. It was just another city view to me. It was nothing like the views we saw on our long journey. It makes me sound like a spa, but that's how it was.

We saw Janis Joplins old house, across the road from The Grateful Dead's old house. Brilliant! The whole area was made famous by the Summer of Love. There are still some hippie type people hanging around there, trying to hold onto that dream. When will there ever be an occurrence like that, again?

We went though areas that had places owned by Sean Penn, George Lucas, Lars Ulrich, and Francis Ford Coppola. The guide told us that San Fran is a gay area because of all the sailors and navy that came to live there after spending so long out at sea. It's plausible.

Some of the tallest redwood trees in the world are preserved outside San Fran. All thanks to John Muir, otherwise The Unthinking Majority would have come in a cut them all down after the San Fran earthquake to rebuild the city.

I wish everyone in the world had the same mindset as John Muir.

Out to the Burn

I got caught doing 35 in a 25 mile/hour zone. We were happily driving down this desert road and a cop car comes along with its lights going mad so I pulled in. And he didn't pass me, he parked behind me. And I nearly died. It's a good job I don't drink and drive. He said if I had been speeding in a school zone he would have had to fine me, but all in all he was a nice old man and he let me off warning us both to drink plenty of water for our duration in the desert. Thank feck!

We had stopped at thrift stores and bought bowls and cutlery for the burning man festival. We brought a HEAP of drink aswell, and gallons of water. We reached the 'playa' after dark and had to look for a camping area by driving around. Scald.

As a welcome to Burning Man 2008 we had to bang a giant bell and scream "I am not a virgin anymore!" and then roll in the dusty sand (which destroyed us). We also ERECTED our tent in the dark. We had nothing to hammer the pegs in with and I tried using a can of Carlsberg like an idiot and it busted all over me. One can down, 59 to go.

Going for a walk that night we were very out of place. Because we looked like normal people. Everyone else was dressed up and painted or just naked. We just had normal clothes on. So we made plans on how to look like mentallers for the next few days. Grand.

That night we met our neighbours and we all drank and shared all our stuff it was amazing. They were from England, Canada, USA and N. Ireland. A good mix!

Next day we woke in our tent which was probably 40 degrees inside. Horrific. We cycled and walked around the place, looking for the giant man that was to be burned. I had body paint on but it didn't stop me from getting blasted by the sun. It was so important to drink loads of water.

That night we found an absynthe bar. You could smell the place from 100 metres away, because they actually brewed absynthe in there in front of you. That stuff was a killer. Next morning I spontaneously spewed and didn't know why. It was either the intense heat, the ingestion of loads of dust, or else the absynthe.... not sure...

Then I went off on the bike to get loads of brilliant photos. And I did. Then we did another cycle trip with a few of the gang. It turned out there was a huge women's topless cyclathon. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. haha.

A big party called 'Road Block' happened on our street and they gave out free drinks and I played the guitar, Elaine chimed along on the tamberine! The organisers kept giving out drinks and snacks, they said I really improved their party by playing the guitar for everyone. But I think they really improved my Burning Man experience by having such a brilliant party. They wouldn't even let bicycle traffic go by without taking a shot of something.

That night we all got dressed up again. I had a crazy jester type hat that I bought in Ecuador for such an occasion. I made my face up like the Joker in The Dark Knight and I carried around a Joker card. I really freaked people out. Elaine was a locked Marilyn Monroe type character! or snow white or something. Carl Cox played that night. He was ok.

When everyone went to bed I decided to go for a walk. I woke up in a museum type place the next morning. A Persian family woke me up to tell me the sun was coming up and inviting me to come and see it. Classic. Imagine waking up The Joker to tell him that the sun is coming up.

A terrible 'white out' occurred that day and we were in the RV with the Tyrone crowd and it turned out to be excellent. ACDC was the music of choice for Burning Man. Fantastico! Old Sue was looking for us for 2 hours in the heavy sand storm and when she turned up, her hair was grey from the sand! Mental. You couldn't see your hand in front of you that day. We had to wear big WWII gas masks.

Sadly Elaine and I got separated for the burn of the giant man but still it was an amazing sight. A giant wooden man on fire and fireworks all around. It was a magic time! 'Fat Bottomed Girls' by Queen came on giant speakers after the man collapsed in a giant explosion of flames. Me and old Angus went mad!

That was the end of the Burning Man. I would go back every year if I had the time and money. I cannot explain how brilliant this festival is. They were some of the happiest days of my life.

Lost in Hollywood

3 days in LA, and we just stayed in Hollywood - I was grand with that, I heard LA is shite. Walking out of our hostel we saw the farmer from the movie 'Babe' cycling past us, which was a bit mad, but not really if you think about it because most of the big actors live in the area.

We were up as near to the Hollywood sign as you can get - quite surreal having only seen it on tv all my life. It's good to go to Hollywood just to get some perspective about things. It's just another place in the world where more feckin people live. And that's it.

It's a brilliant sight at night time walking along. The people there are amazing looking, and most of the women have boob jobs. I think 90% of the people in Hollywood have come there to be noticed and catch a break. Even one our tour guides came there with a dream. He wanted to make a comedy series about a tour guide. Not the worst idea in the world, but he said nothing came of it.

We went to Beverly Hills, where many of the 'stars' live. We saw houses (i.e. mostly gates and hedges) of people such as:

John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Posh & Becks, Julia Roberts, Nicolas Cage, 50 Cent, Christina Aguilera, Dr. Phil, Courtney Cox-Arquette, and a few more (not arsed thinking of any more). Oh and of course Pat Kenny.

We met up with some of our old pals Derek, Matt and Heather, from O.C. who trekked with us. in Peru. After we parted in Peru, they had gone to Costa Rica only to be refused entry because they had no Yellow Fever Vaccination Certs. No kidding. So they were devastated as you can imagine. Moral of the story, check what vaccines you need for mad places in the world.

We were at the place where all those red carpet awards and stuff happen. And the stars all along the sidewalks. Everyone who watches E!Entertainment will know alot more about that shite than me.

But it was good to see. Definitely one of the more mental urban places I've been on my travels. Because many cities are really the same as every other city, if you have been to enough to realize it.

The weather they get is QUALITY. If I lived there comfortably I would probably have barbeques every night and drink until I had no more money and became homeless. Or maybe not. Actually we saw something funny when in Hollywood; there was a really fat homeless woman begging for money and she was actually saying "could I please have some money for pizza?" and she wasn't joking.

We got the plane all the way to Reno and rented a car straight away and began that drive into the hot desert towards Black Rock City, i.e. the Burning Man Festival 2008.

Last Stop - Quito

Since Quito was the last stop, we thought we'd spend a few days there. It was only alright, but it was good to have a feckin relax after travelling for so long. But you only need 3 days there, not 6.

We had a sound gang in Quito but we did miss hangin' out with old John. Quito was a mainly drinking place for us.

I don't have much to say about it actually. Right now I'm in Sligo and its hard to think back! We just went to churches and restaurants and the usual tourist things. There was a convent that had loads of paintings of hell and what happens to sinners in hell. A devil puts you on a wheel and turns it and spikes go into you. Paintings don't lie, lads.

Also, I now know what Purgatory looks like. It's a swimming pool full of murky water with loads of babies in it. So I'm sure there are many priests out there who would rather go there than heaven. (I'm sound).

We packed up and headed to a land called Hollywood, in the United States of America, having not been robbed, stabbed or killed even once in South America. Victory.

Chicoleta and Midget Wrestling - La Paz, Bolivia

It sounds a lot more entertaining than it is.... But damn it's funny. Kinda like WWE but about .00001% of the budget! Funny characters, different themes and all that. Masks like the Ray Mysterio one.

The midgets would be getting thrown around the place like crazy. Sometimes it was a man vs a woman and the ref would side with the guy and beat the crap out of the woman. It was all fake-ish but it was still very sore. There is no fake pain when a wrestler smashes a wooden crate over someones head. That's real blood!!!

Here's a video sher!

Mancora and Puerto Lopez

We went to Mancora because it is a surfing town and we wanted to chill on a beach and surf all day after our arduous journey through the Peruvian mountains to Machu Pichu.

Mancora waves were tiny and we could not surf. We did get ourselves QUITE a sunburn though so we died from sunburn for a few days.

This hostel we were in was great and it had hammocks everywhere so there was lots of drinking and hammock lying. There was a girl who knew loads of Irish songs (she was from Spiddal), and I taught her the words of 'Finnegan's Wake' in return for making me some buns. Good.

There was a giant dead sealion/otter on the beach. He was smelly and the hostel was downwind so we were basking in his natural morbid fragrance. He got really puffed up the longer he stayed on the beach. He changed colour and got smellier.

One day the lads (not me) dug a giant hole in the beach. The shovels would occasionally tap the carcus by accident. Blood started gushing from one of the eyes of the dead buddy. It was a strange and grizzly sight, I must say. So there the thing got buried, but when the tide came in, there was so much air trapped inside the body that it broke through the sand and rested again on the beach. He was later removed by disposal officials.

We tried to name the dead sea lion. So we thought of people who were fat and dead. And I think we settled on Marlon. (We are assholes).

Then we took another overnight bus (fond of them eh?) across the Peru border to Puerto Lopez, in Ecuador. It was a fuckin kip. I think it must have been hit by a tidal wave or earthquake a few years ago and no one was arsed cleaning it up. It's completely knacker there. But sher it had whale watching, so eh... Ya HAFTA like. I had never seen a whale in real life before, I don't think.

So we got this boat out and it looked like we weren't going to see very many, but indeed we did. They travelled in twos and threes. They would come up so gracefully for air and then go down for a few minutes and then back up. All the while a boat or two was guessing where they would go. I wonder if the whales were annoyed.

The boat was a small wee baidin deas. I was reminded of The Orca in Jaws. Espescially when Elaine and I climbed onto the roof of this little boat and I seriously nearly fell into the ocean due to the rocky waves tossing the boat around.

All in all, whales are sound.

After this lovely town we took our last over night bus to Quito. Our last stop in South America. We had still not been robbed or drugged after 6 weeks in South America.

The World's Most Dangerous Road

One day in La Paz we went on an excursion to cycle down the World's Most Dangerous road, recommended by old Marcus Magee. It was VERY dangerous. 64km down a mountain road sometimes 1 metre from the cliffs edge with an unforgiving 400m drop. No barracades or railings either. Wise, eh?

There were crosses erected along the edge every few kilometres for people who had taken a long plunge to the bottom. Elaine stayed on the bus but the rest of us went on the bikes. Scary stuff. None of us were killed though. And that was fine with me. It was rainy and slippery and I nearly fell off my bike once or twice due to not applying the correct pressure on the brakes.

After we got to the bottom all muddy and destroyed by overdoses of adrenaline, we went to an animal sanctuary. Old John puked his guts up. And we had some food. Then we went wandering on a trail where there was a Boa Constrictor so Elaine did not go far because as you know from this blog, she would die if she saw a snake.

This little monkey jumped from the guides shoulder onto mine. She was wrapping her tail around my arm and apparently that is a VERY flirtatious gesture. So I was chuffed. The only problem was that I already have a girlfriend and also that the monkey was a monkey. Her name was Chica. She was a bit of a babygirl. You kno wum sayin. She kept pulling my hair to keep her balance on my shoulder, but I'm not into that stuff.

There was also a baby goat that kept wandering into the mens toilets. A bit of a George Michael if you ask me.

Cuzco and Lares Trek

In Cuzco I met two old friends Gav and Trev but they were really locked and either they think I'm an asshole or else they were too locked to realise that we weren't in Ireland and that it actually IS a bit mad that we met in Peru.

Cuzco is one of the best places we have been in South America due to cleanliness and stuff. I won't say the food was good though. On the first day we sat in the sun, got locked with a giant group of people and jammed on the guitars. It's amazing how when someone says "play a song", I take about 5 minutes to remember which songs I know.

There were 3 assholes in our dorm who listened to terrible dance remixes of Bryan Adams and that dance music that has the chipmunk singing. Here's how bad they are... There was a Muse song on ..

Asshole #1: Who is this?
Asshole #2: I think its Pink Floyd. No, it's Muse.

Asshole #1: It's not bad.

Asshole #2: Yeah.... It's not really 'going out' music though.

Asshole #1: Nah.

Infuriating.

The Lares Trek

The Lares Trek is a trek that you can do if you don't want to do the Inca Trail. We did this one. It was very VERY tough. Elaine at some stages had awful problems. We reached altitudes of over 5000 ft. Trekking through mountains. On the third night, our tent wall was over our faces and we thought it had collapsed. It had happened to many tents that the weight of snow had pushed the tent walls in. We woke to a snowy freezing morning with llamas lying in the snow nearby.

The people we trekked with were really sound and so we motiviated each other by making jokes and being positive. It was one of toughest things we've ever done. 41km trekking over mountains, over a stretch of 4 days. We met many locals in the mountains and gave the children gifts of colouring pencils because they really dig that stuff. They can't get enough of the old colouring pencils.

We were in this house where they had around 15 guinea pigs running around the place. It's a Peruvian custom to have them in your house. They think that the noises a guinea pig makes can alert you to someone going to die, or be sick, or other general local ocurrences.

So guinea pigs are handy to have if you are a Peruvian. But if there is a special occasion, then they eat a guinea pig. So its like, "thanks for letting us know the future all those times, little fella, but eh, now we're gonna eat you. Sorry about that." I like their style.

There was a lot of epic scenery on this journey. It was great. Camping and trekking for days. And looking at HOT llamas. Nah it didn't get that desperate.

In the town below Machu Pichu named Aguas Calientes ('Hot Water/Springs') we went to a natural hot springs for a nice relax. It turns out they are more natural than we wanted. They were full of kids and the water was so murky you couldn't see your hand just under the surface. There was a horrendous smell of piss but we tried to convince ourselves it was some lovely chicken being cooked somewhere along the street. MINGIN.

Well the climax of this adventure in particular was Machu Pichu, an ancient settlement on a mountain which is now abandoned and is a tourist attraction. I cannot really describe this place despite my exceptional eloquency (which is spelled wrong, ironically). You will have to go see Machu Pichu for yourself. There are no words for it.

The Copacabana Bed Bound Ben

La Paz to Copacabana, Bolivia was our next bus journey. There was a kid sitting behind me puking for the whole journey and so there was a horrid smell of carrots. Although we got a great apartment in this town on the shore of Lake Titicaka, I couldnt wholly enjoy it because I was sick and was destroying our jacks every few hours.

We stayed only one night here. But not too short to witness people getting their cars blessed. It was hilarious. Some of them had toy cars taped to their bonnets and they would get holy water poured on the toy car. Religion can be fantastically comical. When its not causing wars.

On our way to Copacabana we had to get a little boat, and our bus also had to get a little boat. I dont know how it did not sink.

You may notice there are not many apostrophes in this blog. I cant find them on these keyboards, my apologies. I will add photos when there is a sounder internet cafe in my life.

San Pedro Prison, Bolivia

Since the dawn of our travels deep in South America .... (like that intro to the post? pretty good eh? yehhh.) Anyway since we started in South America we had been hearing stories of travellers who visit prisoners in a prison in La Paz, Bolivia. We laughed it off saying we´d never have the guts to step inside a real active Bolivian prison.

There are no guards inside this prison. Just at the gate. The prison is run by the prisoners inside. You can read a detailed non-fiction book about it named "Marching Powder" by Rusty Young. It is a great book I am told. I´m starting it after the book I´m reading about the demise of the American native Indians at the hands of the unsound white men.

Anyway, we had a group of five so we just decided... what the hey... Let´s go to the San Pedro prison. It is completely illegal for backpackers to enter the prison and your embassy cannot help you if there is a lockdown or if you get stuck in there or held hostage. But we said sher we´re not getting any younger. haha.

Once you get into this prison you can do cocaine or marajuana or whiskey, or probably other stuff they have floating around aswell.

So we phoned Stuart, one of the Zimbabwean prisoners (he has a cell phone in his cell of course), and we arranged to come along to the prison at 2pm that day.

When we entered, there was a prisoner waiting at the gates off his head on coke shouting at us and welcoming us. It really spooked us and Elaine was absolutely terrified. haha. The usual old Elaine. The guards stamped our hands and we declared we had no camera equipment on us. We were led into the courtyard inside the prison walls by a peaceful friendly prisoner. All the while Jaques the crazy man was shouting and really freaking us out.

To our horror, we were left in a room with Jaques for a few minutes and he picked up a pen and remarked that he could stick it through a mans neck faster than anyone else in the prison. If I had been younger or more naive, I would have been scared. But I have met idiots even in Navan who make comments like that. So I didnt give a shite, but this comment only scared Elaine even more.

We made it up to the 3rd floor of Stuarts prison cell, the kitchen area. Yes, you read that correctly. Elaine wanted to leave because she was really scared. But we stayed, and got a tour of the rich gringo side of the prison. We did not go near the poor side because we would stand out like a sore thumb and would risk being stabbed or worse. Sabastian, a convicted drug trafficker gave us the tour. He probably saw Elaines ghostly white face and, in a rather smooth and assuring fashion, he said "You look scared, don´t worry, no one is going to stab or rape you." So that was grand anyway.

The prison was really just like a shabby hostel. Stuart said it was the nicest prison he had ever stayed in. He said his least favourite prison was the Zimbabwe prison where he spent 8 years solid with shackles on his feet. I said it must have taken a while to be able to walk in long strides when he was released, and he agreed that it had been difficult. John, Elaine and I drank whiskey with old Stuart while the other backpackers did coke in Jaques room (with his children present).

Some children live in the prison because their parents are inmates there. But they go out to public school every day and all that.

I hear Stuart got released a few days later. If you are reading this Stuart, come to Ireland (if Interpol let you), and I will buy you a whiskey to make up for the stuff I drank in your cell.

La Paz - it´s dynamite.

We arrived very early in the morning in La Paz. There was an all day parade on so I started drinking at 10:30am. Which is fine. The parade had all sorts of deadly music and dancing. La Paz is class. Even though the hygiene is horrific and people have a piss wherever they want. It's still one of the best places we've been to down here.

One mad place was called the witches market, where they sell all kinds of weird potions and healing things. In old Coke bottles. I didn't buy a potion there. Another thing I didn't buy was a llama fetus. They sell little llama fetuses to people so they can bury the fetus under their house. Apparently putting a llama baby carcus under your house is good luck. I wonder what kind of cruel mental bollocks made up THAT superstition. There were boxes and boxes of fetuses for sale. It was mingin. Tilt your head right and you will see the fetuses in this photo.

In the streets there were many political protests while we were there. There were gunshot sounds and people detonating dynamite in the streets. How responsible!

We saw The Dark Knight one of the nights. Great acting in that movie. Savage portayal of The Joker.

One night we stayed out for hours and hours. Went to a normalish nightclub. Bad idea to go on the vodka redbulls though. Probably old Johns idea. Then we hit Club 36, when we went in the door and ordered our first round, we were offered a gram of coke. Now there´s something you won´t get in The Foggy Dew. It was a great night.

We found out a few days later that Elaine and I had been doing magic card tricks for an ex-con called Kenneth who had been incarcerated for the last coupla years for drug trafficking. He was baffled at the card tricks but he tried to pretend we wasn´t. He looked like Mr T.

White Water Rafting

We could not do white water rafting in B.C., Canada, because of time and money and some of the others weren´t able to swim.

And I promised old Elaine we would definitely do it in South America. And we did so just outside Cusco. Our Brazilian raft guide was an absolute mentaller and he had us doing all sorts of mental stunts! It was a great one. There was a bit of rowing involved. They were Class 3 rapids which is just right for someone who has never done it.

There was a girl at the back of our boat who was probably about 6 stone and she was thrusted from the boat on more than one occasion. We had to pull her back into the boat quickly. Action. Then she learned how to hold on using her feet. Funny enough. Me and Lainzer were safe though. We are pros, in fact.

After the rafting I saw 2 American guys and one was sitting on a bench posing for a photo. He was not looking at the camera but looking onward in a pensive state. I think it´s really REALLY funny when I see Americans doing that kind of thing for a photo.

Lollipop lady

On the way to La Paz on a long bus journey I encountered something very infuriating. The bus took a break at a shop so the passengers could buy snacks and go to the jacks. I was queuing to buy a bottle of water when this ABsolute SPA was in front of me. She spent about 4 minutes haggling over lollipops. I was outraged. There were people with genuine purchasing needs and here was this woman haggling over the price of 4 lollipops. You can imagine the irritation.

Then when she had the 4 lollipops she decided they were the wrong flavor so out with the whole fucking box of lollipops while Brendan waits behind to buy a bottle of water.

I wanted to get a giant contraption that would catapult her into the sun. With her lollipops.

End of angry rant. Back to happy travel blog.

The mad photos from the Salt Flats

We got to see the sunrise on the salt flats. Although freezing, it was a great thing. These Salt Plains in Bolivia are the largest in the world. There have been recent jeep accidents on the salt flats from busted tyres and careless speeding. There was a large cross in the middle of them with flowers all around and evidence of burst and exploded fuel tanks. It was a morbid feeling to think that those travellers were having the same great time that we were, but were gone from the world minutes later.

Here are some of the photos we made using the salt flats great illusion-making landscape....