Brendan, Beers and The American Continent

New Blog

2009-03-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

My new blog is http://brenstein.wordpress.com/

It is mainly about things that happen in my mind. It may not be interesting to fellow backpackers, but I hope it does one of the following to its readers:

Gets a laugh
Gets a cry
Makes someone pensive
Makes someone curious
Teaches someone something they did not know

Thank you for your time.

Being Home

2009-01-05T07:15:00.001-08:00

Being home has had phases of sorrow and joy. For the first few months I had mixed feelings about not being able to find a job in Sligo.

Having no job allows much time for the development of my piano and guitar skills, but there is no savings going on. Which means it is not certain when we will be able to continue our travels of the planet.

The light at the end of the tunnel is merely an oncoming train!

This concludes this blog, until the next time I travel. I hope it was enjoyable to those of you who followed it!

Take it easy.

Your friend and mine,

Brendan

Fear and Loathing

2008-11-24T04:20:00.000-08:00

Having no idea how to play Blackjack or Poker or anything else, Vegas was still class. Money tastic though. Despite the absolute wealth of Vegas, I saw more cockroaches in 3 days of Vegas than in 2 months of South America. They are ugly little yokes.

The receptionist of our hostel was an absolute asshole, but we tried to ignore that fact, and enjoy Vegas. The rumor that if you sit at slot machines a woman comes along and offers you free drink - it's true. Classic. One thing I didn't expect was the crapness of the slot machines. I thought that it would be a bit fun because we'd win a bit of money then lose a bit more, and so on... But really it was just feeding money into a machine and getting nothing in return.

It was mad watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas after being in the place. There are so many areas referred to in the movie that we had been in. Like the Circus Casino. Being in Seattle, Vegas, San Fran and LA was like walking into all those movies and TV shows we had seen in the past. Except it wasn't quite what I had envisioned, every time, in a good way!

There was a lot of Heineken and rum drank on our last 3 days of the year away. Vegas was our last stop.

We had visited many parts of Ontario. Keswick, Toronto, Newmarket, Niagara Falls, Ottawa, Brockville, Algonquin Park, North Bay, Kitchener, Mount Forrest, Owen Sound, Tobermory, Manitoulin Island, Newliskeard. Montreal Quebec.

We had been through NY State, and all through BC (Vancouver, Kamloops, Whistler, Lake Louise, Banff, Jasper). Seattle, Phoenix AZ, El Paso TX, Juarez Mexico.

Santiago Chile, Valparaiso, Mendoza Argentina, Buenos Aires, Rio de Janiero Brazil, back to Buenos Aires, Puerto Iguazu, Salta, La Quiaca Bolivia, Tupiza, Uyuni, La Paz, Copacabana.

Cuzco Peru, Aguas Calientes, Machu Pichu, Lima, Mancora, Puerto Lopez Ecuador, Quito.

Hollywood LA, Reno, Black Rock City, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Yosemite, Death Valley, Grand Canyon, Las Vegas.

Dublin. Sligo and Navan.

That was our 51 weeks.

Yosemite and Death Valley

2008-11-05T06:48:00.000-08:00

After Santa Cruz we drove up to Yosemite National Park. I kept thinking of the little red moustache lad who hates Bugs Bunnys guts. Yosemite Sam. He has two massive handguns. I'd say he HATES foreigners aswell but they can't show that in cartoons... Anymore.

This park would be in my top 5 most beautiful places I've ever visited. It's truly pure and there is an amazing natural feeling that there's life around you everywhere you look. MILLIONS of trees obviously. And bears everywhere. We were very careful when camping with our food. They have special containers you put your food in, for every camping area, because even putting it in your car is not good enough. Bears can pull the door off.

I can't go into what we did in Yosemite. It's too much of a visual place where you have to have physical presence to really understand what its about.

When we drove into Death Valley, we listened to 'Welcome To Sky Valley' by Kyuss. It was pure rifftastic desert rock. There's no better album for such surroundings.

We stopped the car and walked out into the desert. I had my guitar, and had to keep banging it so Elaine would know that rattlesnakes would be scared away. There were small holes in the desert floor. I'm pretty sure they were snakes lairs. But I didn't tell old Elaine that.

Then we took a video of me playing 'A Horse With No Name', by America.

Parts of Death Valley are actually below sea level. Imagine that. Think about that. When you stand in Death Valley, you are below the surface level of the ocean. Damn that place is hot. And you would die there if you were lost. No question.

We were driving for 10 hours. After taking that video we went onward through Vegas, got lost, and got out the other side to the edge of Grand Canyon National Park. We stayed in a motel there because it was too dark to pitch a tent. Besides, every 'campsite' in the area was actually a feckin trailerpark. So no thanks.

When I looked into the Grand Canyon, I'm pretty sure I couldn't take it in. It has an overwhelming depth and vastness. We could see for 53 miles across it.

There were alot more people there than I expected, and it was not how I imagined it. But it was definitely as dangerous as I expected. If you take a wrong step too close, you'll fall for a million years.

We headed back to Vegas, not having died. A long road trip. And the petrol costs were a KILLER!

Santa Cruz

2008-11-04T04:36:00.000-08:00

We met wonderful people at the burn who invited us to stay on their boat with them for a weekend. So we did. It was delightful.

We were amazingly locked. I love boats. I will never forget that sound invitation. Their kindness will remind me for years to come that being sound can really be appreciated. I will invite people to do stuff if they are coming to Ireland and don't know what to do. Because we appreciated this so much.

All we did all weekend was sit on the boat and listen to music, drive around on the boat, and eat food. We gave Donny a giant bottle of Southern Comfort as a reward for the soundness displayed. He still has not drank the full bottle, even nearly 2 months later. He says it's the only drink he ever stopped drinking due to it making him so sick one time.

Lightweight, Moo haha.

Alcatraz

2008-10-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

Apparently the reason it was so hard to escape from Alcatraz not only because it was a maximum security prison, but also due to the freezing temperature of the water surrounding it and its dangerous currents. It is a known Tiger Shark Territory. And those things are mean. There is no known successful escape.

Al Capone was one of the highest profile inmates, he got 11 years for tax evasion.

There is a great audio tour of Alcatraz that I would recommend to anyone going. I stood in prison cells and saw the methods of escape that were implemented. I also stood in one of the punishment cells where it was completely dark and all you can do is sit on the floor for days.

The funny thing is that the families of the wardens actually lived with them on Alcatraz island, and the children would take the boat to school every day.

After that we were in a cool aquarium where I got to pet baby leopard sharks, and bat rays. I was terrified to do it at first. But then I did. I could not leave the place without being able to say I had done that.

That pic above is old Elaine in a tunnel aquarium looking at a giant shoal of fish. There were giant fish in there. Awesome.

This blog is more like a diary because it's not very likely that people actually read all this shite that I write. haha. I'm ok with it.

San Francisco - sound place

2008-10-13T04:14:00.001-07:00

If you come to San Fran after 2 months in South America minding the pennies, you are gonna be shocked. Pints are up to 10 times the price of those in South America. But you just have to accept that you're back in the developed world! There were other people obviously coming back from the burn. When you saw them, the thing you greet each other with is "Happy Re-Entry."

For 3 or 4 days after Burning Man I felt as if I'd had my heart removed. I was so sad not to be there anymore.

From a bus station full of absolute MENTALLISTS in Reno, we got the Greyhound to San Francisco. I was in and out of sleep for the whole journey and when I looked out the window into the desert at night I thought I was still at the Burning Man. I could see lots of colourful lights and camper vans. I don't know if it was a mirage or not.

It was lovely to have a real bed and a shower in the hostel we stayed in. We walked around on our own for the first day. It's a lovely city. Obviously full of money, but that's not a resentful statement. It's just that when you were in an earthquake wrecked town in Ecuador a few days before, you notice a slight difference in budgets!

Next day we were in the area where Will Smith's 'The Pursuit of Happiness' is based. A poor area of San Fran where a preacher helps the needy. This preacher is actually in the movie. Surprise surprise. Lots of hills in the city, actually. You'd be a fit cyclist. A ROIDE. The tour guide said he was bringing us to 'one of the most beautiful sights in the world'. And he brought us to a hill overlooking the city. It was nice, like. But it makes you think how open your mind becomes from travelling alot. It was just another city view to me. It was nothing like the views we saw on our long journey. It makes me sound like a spa, but that's how it was.

We saw Janis Joplins old house, across the road from The Grateful Dead's old house. Brilliant! The whole area was made famous by the Summer of Love. There are still some hippie type people hanging around there, trying to hold onto that dream. When will there ever be an occurrence like that, again?

We went though areas that had places owned by Sean Penn, George Lucas, Lars Ulrich, and Francis Ford Coppola. The guide told us that San Fran is a gay area because of all the sailors and navy that came to live there after spending so long out at sea. It's plausible.

Some of the tallest redwood trees in the world are preserved outside San Fran. All thanks to John Muir, otherwise The Unthinking Majority would have come in a cut them all down after the San Fran earthquake to rebuild the city.

I wish everyone in the world had the same mindset as John Muir.

Out to the Burn

2008-10-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

I got caught doing 35 in a 25 mile/hour zone. We were happily driving down this desert road and a cop car comes along with its lights going mad so I pulled in. And he didn't pass me, he parked behind me. And I nearly died. It's a good job I don't drink and drive. He said if I had been speeding in a school zone he would have had to fine me, but all in all he was a nice old man and he let me off warning us both to drink plenty of water for our duration in the desert. Thank feck!

We had stopped at thrift stores and bought bowls and cutlery for the burning man festival. We brought a HEAP of drink aswell, and gallons of water. We reached the 'playa' after dark and had to look for a camping area by driving around. Scald.

As a welcome to Burning Man 2008 we had to bang a giant bell and scream "I am not a virgin anymore!" and then roll in the dusty sand (which destroyed us). We also ERECTED our tent in the dark. We had nothing to hammer the pegs in with and I tried using a can of Carlsberg like an idiot and it busted all over me. One can down, 59 to go.

Going for a walk that night we were very out of place. Because we looked like normal people. Everyone else was dressed up and painted or just naked. We just had normal clothes on. So we made plans on how to look like mentallers for the next few days. Grand.

That night we met our neighbours and we all drank and shared all our stuff it was amazing. They were from England, Canada, USA and N. Ireland. A good mix!

Next day we woke in our tent which was probably 40 degrees inside. Horrific. We cycled and walked around the place, looking for the giant man that was to be burned. I had body paint on but it didn't stop me from getting blasted by the sun. It was so important to drink loads of water.

That night we found an absynthe bar. You could smell the place from 100 metres away, because they actually brewed absynthe in there in front of you. That stuff was a killer. Next morning I spontaneously spewed and didn't know why. It was either the intense heat, the ingestion of loads of dust, or else the absynthe.... not sure...

Then I went off on the bike to get loads of brilliant photos. And I did. Then we did another cycle trip with a few of the gang. It turned out there was a huge women's topless cyclathon. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. haha.

A big party called 'Road Block' happened on our street and they gave out free drinks and I played the guitar, Elaine chimed along on the tamberine! The organisers kept giving out drinks and snacks, they said I really improved their party by playing the guitar for everyone. But I think they really improved my Burning Man experience by having such a brilliant party. They wouldn't even let bicycle traffic go by without taking a shot of something.

That night we all got dressed up again. I had a crazy jester type hat that I bought in Ecuador for such an occasion. I made my face up like the Joker in The Dark Knight and I carried around a Joker card. I really freaked people out. Elaine was a locked Marilyn Monroe type character! or snow white or something. Carl Cox played that night. He was ok.

When everyone went to bed I decided to go for a walk. I woke up in a museum type place the next morning. A Persian family woke me up to tell me the sun was coming up and inviting me to come and see it. Classic. Imagine waking up The Joker to tell him that the sun is coming up.

A terrible 'white out' occurred that day and we were in the RV with the Tyrone crowd and it turned out to be excellent. ACDC was the music of choice for Burning Man. Fantastico! Old Sue was looking for us for 2 hours in the heavy sand storm and when she turned up, her hair was grey from the sand! Mental. You couldn't see your hand in front of you that day. We had to wear big WWII gas masks.

Sadly Elaine and I got separated for the burn of the giant man but still it was an amazing sight. A giant wooden man on fire and fireworks all around. It was a magic time! 'Fat Bottomed Girls' by Queen came on giant speakers after the man collapsed in a giant explosion of flames. Me and old Angus went mad!

That was the end of the Burning Man. I would go back every year if I had the time and money. I cannot explain how brilliant this festival is. They were some of the happiest days of my life.

Lost in Hollywood

2008-09-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

3 days in LA, and we just stayed in Hollywood - I was grand with that, I heard LA is shite. Walking out of our hostel we saw the farmer from the movie 'Babe' cycling past us, which was a bit mad, but not really if you think about it because most of the big actors live in the area.

We were up as near to the Hollywood sign as you can get - quite surreal having only seen it on tv all my life. It's good to go to Hollywood just to get some perspective about things. It's just another place in the world where more feckin people live. And that's it.

It's a brilliant sight at night time walking along. The people there are amazing looking, and most of the women have boob jobs. I think 90% of the people in Hollywood have come there to be noticed and catch a break. Even one our tour guides came there with a dream. He wanted to make a comedy series about a tour guide. Not the worst idea in the world, but he said nothing came of it.

We went to Beverly Hills, where many of the 'stars' live. We saw houses (i.e. mostly gates and hedges) of people such as:

John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Posh & Becks, Julia Roberts, Nicolas Cage, 50 Cent, Christina Aguilera, Dr. Phil, Courtney Cox-Arquette, and a few more (not arsed thinking of any more). Oh and of course Pat Kenny.

We met up with some of our old pals Derek, Matt and Heather, from O.C. who trekked with us. in Peru. After we parted in Peru, they had gone to Costa Rica only to be refused entry because they had no Yellow Fever Vaccination Certs. No kidding. So they were devastated as you can imagine. Moral of the story, check what vaccines you need for mad places in the world.

We were at the place where all those red carpet awards and stuff happen. And the stars all along the sidewalks. Everyone who watches E!Entertainment will know alot more about that shite than me.

But it was good to see. Definitely one of the more mental urban places I've been on my travels. Because many cities are really the same as every other city, if you have been to enough to realize it.

The weather they get is QUALITY. If I lived there comfortably I would probably have barbeques every night and drink until I had no more money and became homeless. Or maybe not. Actually we saw something funny when in Hollywood; there was a really fat homeless woman begging for money and she was actually saying "could I please have some money for pizza?" and she wasn't joking.

We got the plane all the way to Reno and rented a car straight away and began that drive into the hot desert towards Black Rock City, i.e. the Burning Man Festival 2008.

Last Stop - Quito

2008-09-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Since Quito was the last stop, we thought we'd spend a few days there. It was only alright, but it was good to have a feckin relax after travelling for so long. But you only need 3 days there, not 6.

We had a sound gang in Quito but we did miss hangin' out with old John. Quito was a mainly drinking place for us.

I don't have much to say about it actually. Right now I'm in Sligo and its hard to think back! We just went to churches and restaurants and the usual tourist things. There was a convent that had loads of paintings of hell and what happens to sinners in hell. A devil puts you on a wheel and turns it and spikes go into you. Paintings don't lie, lads.

Also, I now know what Purgatory looks like. It's a swimming pool full of murky water with loads of babies in it. So I'm sure there are many priests out there who would rather go there than heaven. (I'm sound).

We packed up and headed to a land called Hollywood, in the United States of America, having not been robbed, stabbed or killed even once in South America. Victory.

Chicoleta and Midget Wrestling - La Paz, Bolivia

2008-09-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

It sounds a lot more entertaining than it is.... But damn it's funny. Kinda like WWE but about .00001% of the budget! Funny characters, different themes and all that. Masks like the Ray Mysterio one.

The midgets would be getting thrown around the place like crazy. Sometimes it was a man vs a woman and the ref would side with the guy and beat the crap out of the woman. It was all fake-ish but it was still very sore. There is no fake pain when a wrestler smashes a wooden crate over someones head. That's real blood!!!

Here's a video sher!

Mancora and Puerto Lopez

2008-09-15T04:31:00.000-07:00

We went to Mancora because it is a surfing town and we wanted to chill on a beach and surf all day after our arduous journey through the Peruvian mountains to Machu Pichu.

Mancora waves were tiny and we could not surf. We did get ourselves QUITE a sunburn though so we died from sunburn for a few days.

This hostel we were in was great and it had hammocks everywhere so there was lots of drinking and hammock lying. There was a girl who knew loads of Irish songs (she was from Spiddal), and I taught her the words of 'Finnegan's Wake' in return for making me some buns. Good.

There was a giant dead sealion/otter on the beach. He was smelly and the hostel was downwind so we were basking in his natural morbid fragrance. He got really puffed up the longer he stayed on the beach. He changed colour and got smellier.

One day the lads (not me) dug a giant hole in the beach. The shovels would occasionally tap the carcus by accident. Blood started gushing from one of the eyes of the dead buddy. It was a strange and grizzly sight, I must say. So there the thing got buried, but when the tide came in, there was so much air trapped inside the body that it broke through the sand and rested again on the beach. He was later removed by disposal officials.

We tried to name the dead sea lion. So we thought of people who were fat and dead. And I think we settled on Marlon. (We are assholes).

Then we took another overnight bus (fond of them eh?) across the Peru border to Puerto Lopez, in Ecuador. It was a fuckin kip. I think it must have been hit by a tidal wave or earthquake a few years ago and no one was arsed cleaning it up. It's completely knacker there. But sher it had whale watching, so eh... Ya HAFTA like. I had never seen a whale in real life before, I don't think.

So we got this boat out and it looked like we weren't going to see very many, but indeed we did. They travelled in twos and threes. They would come up so gracefully for air and then go down for a few minutes and then back up. All the while a boat or two was guessing where they would go. I wonder if the whales were annoyed.

The boat was a small wee baidin deas. I was reminded of The Orca in Jaws. Espescially when Elaine and I climbed onto the roof of this little boat and I seriously nearly fell into the ocean due to the rocky waves tossing the boat around.

All in all, whales are sound.

After this lovely town we took our last over night bus to Quito. Our last stop in South America. We had still not been robbed or drugged after 6 weeks in South America.

The World's Most Dangerous Road

2008-09-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

One day in La Paz we went on an excursion to cycle down the World's Most Dangerous road, recommended by old Marcus Magee. It was VERY dangerous. 64km down a mountain road sometimes 1 metre from the cliffs edge with an unforgiving 400m drop. No barracades or railings either. Wise, eh?

There were crosses erected along the edge every few kilometres for people who had taken a long plunge to the bottom. Elaine stayed on the bus but the rest of us went on the bikes. Scary stuff. None of us were killed though. And that was fine with me. It was rainy and slippery and I nearly fell off my bike once or twice due to not applying the correct pressure on the brakes.

After we got to the bottom all muddy and destroyed by overdoses of adrenaline, we went to an animal sanctuary. Old John puked his guts up. And we had some food. Then we went wandering on a trail where there was a Boa Constrictor so Elaine did not go far because as you know from this blog, she would die if she saw a snake.

This little monkey jumped from the guides shoulder onto mine. She was wrapping her tail around my arm and apparently that is a VERY flirtatious gesture. So I was chuffed. The only problem was that I already have a girlfriend and also that the monkey was a monkey. Her name was Chica. She was a bit of a babygirl. You kno wum sayin. She kept pulling my hair to keep her balance on my shoulder, but I'm not into that stuff.

There was also a baby goat that kept wandering into the mens toilets. A bit of a George Michael if you ask me.

Cuzco and Lares Trek

2008-09-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

In Cuzco I met two old friends Gav and Trev but they were really locked and either they think I'm an asshole or else they were too locked to realise that we weren't in Ireland and that it actually IS a bit mad that we met in Peru.

Cuzco is one of the best places we have been in South America due to cleanliness and stuff. I won't say the food was good though. On the first day we sat in the sun, got locked with a giant group of people and jammed on the guitars. It's amazing how when someone says "play a song", I take about 5 minutes to remember which songs I know.

There were 3 assholes in our dorm who listened to terrible dance remixes of Bryan Adams and that dance music that has the chipmunk singing. Here's how bad they are... There was a Muse song on ..

Asshole #1: Who is this?
Asshole #2: I think its Pink Floyd. No, it's Muse.

Asshole #1: It's not bad.

Asshole #2: Yeah.... It's not really 'going out' music though.

Asshole #1: Nah.

Infuriating.

The Lares Trek

The Lares Trek is a trek that you can do if you don't want to do the Inca Trail. We did this one. It was very VERY tough. Elaine at some stages had awful problems. We reached altitudes of over 5000 ft. Trekking through mountains. On the third night, our tent wall was over our faces and we thought it had collapsed. It had happened to many tents that the weight of snow had pushed the tent walls in. We woke to a snowy freezing morning with llamas lying in the snow nearby.

The people we trekked with were really sound and so we motiviated each other by making jokes and being positive. It was one of toughest things we've ever done. 41km trekking over mountains, over a stretch of 4 days. We met many locals in the mountains and gave the children gifts of colouring pencils because they really dig that stuff. They can't get enough of the old colouring pencils.

We were in this house where they had around 15 guinea pigs running around the place. It's a Peruvian custom to have them in your house. They think that the noises a guinea pig makes can alert you to someone going to die, or be sick, or other general local ocurrences.

So guinea pigs are handy to have if you are a Peruvian. But if there is a special occasion, then they eat a guinea pig. So its like, "thanks for letting us know the future all those times, little fella, but eh, now we're gonna eat you. Sorry about that." I like their style.

There was a lot of epic scenery on this journey. It was great. Camping and trekking for days. And looking at HOT llamas. Nah it didn't get that desperate.

In the town below Machu Pichu named Aguas Calientes ('Hot Water/Springs') we went to a natural hot springs for a nice relax. It turns out they are more natural than we wanted. They were full of kids and the water was so murky you couldn't see your hand just under the surface. There was a horrendous smell of piss but we tried to convince ourselves it was some lovely chicken being cooked somewhere along the street. MINGIN.

Well the climax of this adventure in particular was Machu Pichu, an ancient settlement on a mountain which is now abandoned and is a tourist attraction. I cannot really describe this place despite my exceptional eloquency (which is spelled wrong, ironically). You will have to go see Machu Pichu for yourself. There are no words for it.

The Copacabana Bed Bound Ben

2008-08-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

La Paz to Copacabana, Bolivia was our next bus journey. There was a kid sitting behind me puking for the whole journey and so there was a horrid smell of carrots. Although we got a great apartment in this town on the shore of Lake Titicaka, I couldnt wholly enjoy it because I was sick and was destroying our jacks every few hours.

We stayed only one night here. But not too short to witness people getting their cars blessed. It was hilarious. Some of them had toy cars taped to their bonnets and they would get holy water poured on the toy car. Religion can be fantastically comical. When its not causing wars.

On our way to Copacabana we had to get a little boat, and our bus also had to get a little boat. I dont know how it did not sink.

You may notice there are not many apostrophes in this blog. I cant find them on these keyboards, my apologies. I will add photos when there is a sounder internet cafe in my life.

San Pedro Prison, Bolivia

2008-08-19T09:08:00.001-07:00

Since the dawn of our travels deep in South America .... (like that intro to the post? pretty good eh? yehhh.) Anyway since we started in South America we had been hearing stories of travellers who visit prisoners in a prison in La Paz, Bolivia. We laughed it off saying we´d never have the guts to step inside a real active Bolivian prison.

There are no guards inside this prison. Just at the gate. The prison is run by the prisoners inside. You can read a detailed non-fiction book about it named "Marching Powder" by Rusty Young. It is a great book I am told. I´m starting it after the book I´m reading about the demise of the American native Indians at the hands of the unsound white men.

Anyway, we had a group of five so we just decided... what the hey... Let´s go to the San Pedro prison. It is completely illegal for backpackers to enter the prison and your embassy cannot help you if there is a lockdown or if you get stuck in there or held hostage. But we said sher we´re not getting any younger. haha.

Once you get into this prison you can do cocaine or marajuana or whiskey, or probably other stuff they have floating around aswell.

So we phoned Stuart, one of the Zimbabwean prisoners (he has a cell phone in his cell of course), and we arranged to come along to the prison at 2pm that day.

When we entered, there was a prisoner waiting at the gates off his head on coke shouting at us and welcoming us. It really spooked us and Elaine was absolutely terrified. haha. The usual old Elaine. The guards stamped our hands and we declared we had no camera equipment on us. We were led into the courtyard inside the prison walls by a peaceful friendly prisoner. All the while Jaques the crazy man was shouting and really freaking us out.

To our horror, we were left in a room with Jaques for a few minutes and he picked up a pen and remarked that he could stick it through a mans neck faster than anyone else in the prison. If I had been younger or more naive, I would have been scared. But I have met idiots even in Navan who make comments like that. So I didnt give a shite, but this comment only scared Elaine even more.

We made it up to the 3rd floor of Stuarts prison cell, the kitchen area. Yes, you read that correctly. Elaine wanted to leave because she was really scared. But we stayed, and got a tour of the rich gringo side of the prison. We did not go near the poor side because we would stand out like a sore thumb and would risk being stabbed or worse. Sabastian, a convicted drug trafficker gave us the tour. He probably saw Elaines ghostly white face and, in a rather smooth and assuring fashion, he said "You look scared, don´t worry, no one is going to stab or rape you." So that was grand anyway.

The prison was really just like a shabby hostel. Stuart said it was the nicest prison he had ever stayed in. He said his least favourite prison was the Zimbabwe prison where he spent 8 years solid with shackles on his feet. I said it must have taken a while to be able to walk in long strides when he was released, and he agreed that it had been difficult. John, Elaine and I drank whiskey with old Stuart while the other backpackers did coke in Jaques room (with his children present).

Some children live in the prison because their parents are inmates there. But they go out to public school every day and all that.

I hear Stuart got released a few days later. If you are reading this Stuart, come to Ireland (if Interpol let you), and I will buy you a whiskey to make up for the stuff I drank in your cell.

La Paz - it´s dynamite.

2008-08-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

We arrived very early in the morning in La Paz. There was an all day parade on so I started drinking at 10:30am. Which is fine. The parade had all sorts of deadly music and dancing. La Paz is class. Even though the hygiene is horrific and people have a piss wherever they want. It's still one of the best places we've been to down here.

One mad place was called the witches market, where they sell all kinds of weird potions and healing things. In old Coke bottles. I didn't buy a potion there. Another thing I didn't buy was a llama fetus. They sell little llama fetuses to people so they can bury the fetus under their house. Apparently putting a llama baby carcus under your house is good luck. I wonder what kind of cruel mental bollocks made up THAT superstition. There were boxes and boxes of fetuses for sale. It was mingin. Tilt your head right and you will see the fetuses in this photo.

In the streets there were many political protests while we were there. There were gunshot sounds and people detonating dynamite in the streets. How responsible!

We saw The Dark Knight one of the nights. Great acting in that movie. Savage portayal of The Joker.

One night we stayed out for hours and hours. Went to a normalish nightclub. Bad idea to go on the vodka redbulls though. Probably old Johns idea. Then we hit Club 36, when we went in the door and ordered our first round, we were offered a gram of coke. Now there´s something you won´t get in The Foggy Dew. It was a great night.

We found out a few days later that Elaine and I had been doing magic card tricks for an ex-con called Kenneth who had been incarcerated for the last coupla years for drug trafficking. He was baffled at the card tricks but he tried to pretend we wasn´t. He looked like Mr T.

White Water Rafting

2008-08-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

We could not do white water rafting in B.C., Canada, because of time and money and some of the others weren´t able to swim.

And I promised old Elaine we would definitely do it in South America. And we did so just outside Cusco. Our Brazilian raft guide was an absolute mentaller and he had us doing all sorts of mental stunts! It was a great one. There was a bit of rowing involved. They were Class 3 rapids which is just right for someone who has never done it.

There was a girl at the back of our boat who was probably about 6 stone and she was thrusted from the boat on more than one occasion. We had to pull her back into the boat quickly. Action. Then she learned how to hold on using her feet. Funny enough. Me and Lainzer were safe though. We are pros, in fact.

After the rafting I saw 2 American guys and one was sitting on a bench posing for a photo. He was not looking at the camera but looking onward in a pensive state. I think it´s really REALLY funny when I see Americans doing that kind of thing for a photo.

Lollipop lady

2008-08-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

On the way to La Paz on a long bus journey I encountered something very infuriating. The bus took a break at a shop so the passengers could buy snacks and go to the jacks. I was queuing to buy a bottle of water when this ABsolute SPA was in front of me. She spent about 4 minutes haggling over lollipops. I was outraged. There were people with genuine purchasing needs and here was this woman haggling over the price of 4 lollipops. You can imagine the irritation.

Then when she had the 4 lollipops she decided they were the wrong flavor so out with the whole fucking box of lollipops while Brendan waits behind to buy a bottle of water.

I wanted to get a giant contraption that would catapult her into the sun. With her lollipops.

End of angry rant. Back to happy travel blog.

The mad photos from the Salt Flats

2008-08-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

We got to see the sunrise on the salt flats. Although freezing, it was a great thing. These Salt Plains in Bolivia are the largest in the world. There have been recent jeep accidents on the salt flats from busted tyres and careless speeding. There was a large cross in the middle of them with flowers all around and evidence of burst and exploded fuel tanks. It was a morbid feeling to think that those travellers were having the same great time that we were, but were gone from the world minutes later.

Here are some of the photos we made using the salt flats great illusion-making landscape....

Salt flats, Coldsville, Bolivia.

2008-08-04T08:14:00.001-07:00

In Bolivia we learned that Bolivians will tell you the most ridiculous lies in order to get you to buy their product.

We bought a 4 day expedition across the Salt Plains of Bolivia from 'Torres'. They said we would have an English guide, and 2 litres of water each per day. Bastards. When we got into our jeep on the morning we left, the English tour guide was outside the jeep and he said 'No room for me, sorry!' and he waved us off with a driver and cook who had not an ounce of English. Also the people who were on the tour with us were told that Elaine and I had superb English and Spanish and would be able to translate everything for them. Moral of the story, never trust anyone. We never knew what the driver was telling us so we always had to get 1 of the Germans to translate. Our little Spanish phrase book wasn't too helpful.

It was a good ould adventure though. It was cold and arduous. On the first day we stopped for lunch in a plain that was full of llama crap and llamas. We were given a peculiar lunch that day. Cold llama meat, a boiled egg, and some bean type stuff. Oh and Fanta. It was funny to eat llama meat while looking at llamas.

There was the driver, the cook (a round little woman who laughed at EVERYTHING), and three Germans; Sabastian, Philip and Meischa. They were grand. They spoke English sometimes and when they did they were sound. They could translate Rammstein lyrics for me.

All 3 nights of the trip were freezing. The drinking water froze in the bottles at night and in the morning. Temperatures went as low as -20oC and it made sleep alot harder. We slept on concrete/salt beds that had a fairly harmless mattress over them. Elaine and I had been forewarned about how cold it would be at night when we tried to sleep so we had bought 3 blankets for about 5 euro. Deal. We also had a hot water bottle. We know what -30 is like from living in Toronto so we knew -20 is not a laughing matter!

We reached altitudes of up to 5000 metres. If I remember correctly, it is 13 miles from sea level to the beginning of the ozone layer. Therefore on this trip we were one quarter of the way to the exit towards outer space. The air was awfully thin and our hearts pounded rapidly any time we did anything even as strenuous as climbing a staircase. Everyone felt it, it made one or two people a bit panicky at night because they would wake up feeling like they were suffocating.

At night we could see the Milky Way more vividly than ever before, due to the lack of lights pollution from nearby towns or cities, and also because we were closer to space. The blue streak across the sky was a brilliant sight. It was a pity it was much too cold to watch it for more than five minutes. And the camera could not take a good photo either.

I think we are a bit used to looking at tonnes of mountains from being on the Rocky mountains road trip, so the mountains on this excursion didn´t dazzle us that much. Spoiled brats we are. What was great though was that we saw loads of different coloured lagoons. Red, green, brown, purple. It was like the hue of the whole landscape had been adjusted. They were created from all the volcanic eruptions that had happened between the last few decades and the last few millenia. There were natural hot springs we could bathe in and natural craters bursting with steam. It felt like we were on Mars sometimes. The gases in places was very toxic so we were warned about that too.

We drove past an active volcano aswell. Sher not a bother to us!

At night I tried a few times to play the guitar at the drivers request. At least I think that was what he was asking for! But it's very hard to play the guitar with mittens on or when you cannot feel your fingers. Poor cold neglected guitar.

The Coke guy

2008-08-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

There is nothing worse than to arrive in a town where you expect to spend a lot of money only to be told there is no ATM in the town. Tupiza is such a town.

After Iguazu we spent a few days making our way west in Argentina to get to a place where we could begin a Salt Flats tour.

We had to cross the border from Argentina to Bolivia early one morning. Freezing of course. We had a sandwich each in our bag and we were terrified of being stopped and having the lettuce from our sandwiches confiscated!

When we had crossed the border, one of our gringo aquaintances asked Elaine to mind his bag while he bought a bus ticket to Uyuni. So that was grand. Old Elaine was there minding his bag, and he came back and was putting the bag in luggage storage and Elaine was helping him. Then he said ´wait I just have to get something´ and he opened his bag and took out a giant bag of coke in the middle of a public bus station - right in front of Elaine. She was horrified that she had been minding his bag with cocaine in it in a public place with soldiers and police around!

The funny thing about that was that we were sweating over bringing sandwiches over the border in our rucksacks when this lad cruised over the border with cocaine at the top of his school bag!!!

Back to Kinder Bueno

2008-07-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

After old Rio we got the flight back to B.A., for one more night. It was the first night we had to spend in different dorms. I had to share a dorm with the hostels resident slapper. She was really loud talking while I tried to sleep. So I listened to Dimmu Borgir serenade me to sleep.

A funny memory about the Clan Hostel in BA was that the brekky chef listened to Coldplay´s new album every morning. And I kept Me and Mark´s ongoing joke running that you start to love Coldplay when you reach your mid 20s. haha. Everyone thought I was slagging Coldplay but really I wasn´t! I´m mid 20s myself.

The next place was Puerto Iguassu. A village that called itself a city. With one banklink. And no shops took credit card. Scaldaloon. The attraction of Iguazu is the giant waterfalls on the Brazilian border. It was very epic. How many massive waterfalls will I have to see to get numb to their unfathomable power!

We did this boat ride and actually went UNDER the waterfall and got destroyed! Absolutely soaked for the day. The water was freezing. And there was a kid crying behind me. That made it for me. Because he thought it was over but the boat just kept going back in and the kid was going mental. His dad was just laughing. A good man.

We went on a walk to a waterfall named ´The Devils Throat´. Metal. There was a sign that warned about snakes and Elaine went mental. I told her that there are no snakes on the path because they are afraid of humans. haha.

You learn loads about people when you go travelling. There was this pair of very masculine women also at Iguazu Falls on the same day. They just gave out and snapped at each other every time we saw them. Why the hell are they travelling together if they are like that all the time? Mental. I wonder what they are arguing about as I type this.

We did not go to the Brazilian side of the waterfalls for a different perspective of the falls. We just headed to Salta on a 23 hour bus journey - a bit horrific. But the buses are better than Bus Eireann buses. They have food and movies. I have heard stories about people having their cameras and passports and even their full bags stolen on these buses. We have been ultra careful so far and have not have any issues. Apparently Ecuador is the place where the thieves (or ´ladrones´) are the cleverest. I´ve heard of some ingenius ways that people have stolen handbags. We will be there in a few weeks.

Copacana, Favela, Old Rio.

2008-07-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Rio de Janieiro is mental. And that´s it. Partyville. We arrived at our quietish hostel in Copacabana around the 7th of July and stayed there for 5 nights. We were all scared about being outside the hostel after dark because of the fear mongery that is the Lonely Planet book warnings. The Copacabana beach is class. Very long and the sand is nice. We went to a stall where the guy gets a big machete and butchers a coconut and puts a straw in it and you can drink the milk. It´s brilliant stuff for a hangover. I´ll craving one every weekend when I get home. I might plant a coconut tree or two in Navan. And buy a machete. In Centra.

Another deadly thing about the Copacabana and Ipanema beaches are the waves. They are perfect for surfing because they are huge only 10 metres off the shore. So you don´t have to paddle miles out and get eaten by a shark in order to get a good wave. Gooooood.

A downfall is that you can´t go at night because you might get mugged or chloroformed for your money or valuables... Another downfall is when you are lying on the beach in the sun you get about 25 people coming up to you per hour offering you necklaces, bracelets, drinks, scarves, flags and other crap. I felt really sorry for them when I turned them away though. It killed me to see them move along with all their stuff to try sell to the next person.

On our first full day we went up to the Sugarloaf mountain on a cable car. Epic enough. Then a cathedral yoke, and then the ´Christ The Redeemer´ monument that overlooks Rio. It is a great big Jesus lad on a mountain. I´m sure you know it. It is not as big as you would think but it´s way better than one I could do anyway. There we saw a sunset and I took a few award winning photos. (Queue Elaine saying ´Self praise is no praise, Brendan.´)

We met a 19 year old European who has been travelling a long time and while he was in a jungle in Mexico he married a 24 year old lady with a child. They got giant matching tattoos instead of wedding rings. And his parents don´t know he did that yet. They didn´t even know he was in Rio. I might be wrong, but I have a feeling he is a bit of a fool. It was funny when he fell from the top of a triple bunk bed in the middle of the night with a giant ´THUD´ and then got up really quickly so no one would know what happened.

We did the Favela tour. This is a tour of a slum area of Rio. It is the one where City of God is based. I did not want to go at first because I felt it would be patronizing of me to be visiting all the poor people and looking at them being poor. I was wrong to think this. It was a very interesting and non dangerous experience. And 60% of what we paid for the trip goes to a nursery and school in the Favela. And it is rare for money to be paid into a Favela that is not drug related.

The Favela had internet cafes, bakeries, and all the normal stuff a town would have. I dont think I´d want to live there though. It´s awfully filthy and cluttered. Houses are all built on top of each other. The drug lord and head of the Favela is only 23 years of age and this is the normal life expectancy for the head of a favela. He will probably be dead within a year or 2 and the next person will take over. They start in the drug and guns business at the age of 7 or 8. There was a night club in the favelas aswell but we didnt go and i heard it was just full of kids with guns and also a bit of a sausagefest. So no deal.

If I was to recommend one place to go out in Rio, its Lapa. It´s a giant street party with samba music, dancing, and food and drink stalls. Needless to say the lockedness was immense. We stayed out until about 5am which is actually an early time to be going home. When we were waiting for a bus, I felt a sudden pushing and shoving and I looked around and a lad was going through my pockets. I shouted NO loads of times and started pushing him away and Elaine exclaims ´Brendan stop you are being searched!!´ True enough a cop with a machine gun on his back was checking if I had any drugs on me. No officer I´m fine for the old drugs. 15 cans will do me fine.

Buenos Aires is sound

2008-07-13T09:33:00.001-07:00

Buenos Aires is a great place - the night life is fantastic, although we didn't see much of that because the parties in our hostel were so good. We stayed in the Clan Hostel, near the centre.

We met loads of brilliant people in that hostel. The first night was a barbeque with all the red wine you can drink (but they stopped that after about 2 hours probably because we were MILLING through the wine). The steak and other meats were class. Here we met old Helen and Liz who we had met previously in Santiago. They are sound. I have never overdosed on red wine and puked red puke everywhere but I'm certain that some people did that on that night. An English lad called Charlie fell through a plastic tarp on the terrace that was acting as a windbreaker. It was fantastic.

We saw a mad cemetry called The Recoleta Cemetery, which I loved. Instead of graves it had beautifully built marble crypts. It was really spooky. Evita´s crypt is there. It´s fairly harmless. The cemetery is huge and is made up of paths and avenues all lined with the crypts. There were too many cats walking around! Elaine and I were really freaked out at first by all the coffins we could see inside the crypts, but we got used to it. You could actually reach in and touch some of the coffins if you wanted. If you were a mentaller.

Some of the crypt doors had knockers on them... I´m still wondering about that.

The Recoleta Cemetery is a really nice resting place. I think I would prefer a crypt to a grave. But I´d be dead so I wouldn´t know. Throw me anywhere I´ll be grand.

So then we went to the Evita museum. Didn´t learn much from it because we don´t know Spanish except tiny formalities and curse words.

One of the nights in B.A. (which is what some backpackers call it) we went to 2 Irish bars. I can´t believe the amount of Irish bars in the world. We also went to a pirateship themed bar. It had a cool pirateship entrance, and the staff were dressed as pirates. But sadly there were no pirates in there, and it was playing poor dance music. No deal.

There are a few "all you can eat" places in B.A. We have had some savage steak in Argentina. On Bolivar Ave we went to an amazing place where we got 18 courses. We were there for 5 hours. Happily locked if I remember correctly. Best wine and restaurant experience I´ve ever had! We had cow´s cheek as one course, which had been boiled for 13 hours. Pretty good. Also ´sweetbreads´, which is the gland around the cows heart. Also fantastic.

Also we did the usual art museum thing which I won´t bother to describe. It was good though, believe me. It had stuff like Picasso, Van Gogh and Monet.

Of course we did the whole tango thing. We got a lesson for an hour. I´d say Elaine´s toes were sore, because I wasn´t the besht! After that there was a steak meal with all the red wine you can drink (of course), along with a real tango show. Deadly stuff. It had live musicians, singing, and dancing on the stage and all around the restaurant. We got photos with the pro dancers, and they tried to sell us the photos but we are scabs. haha. I don´t have any pictures up yet because not many hostels have a pc with a USB port.

That night of course we were hammered and we were drinking at the hostel bar afterwards at 2.30am even though we had to get a taxi to the airport at 4am. Packing our bags, checking out, getting a taxi, checkin for the flight, it´s all a blur. But we made it to Rio anyway. We were actually asleep through the takeoff of the plane. That´s when you know you´re locked.

Mendozaaaaaaa!

2008-07-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

We walked 20 minutes in the wrong direction when we arrived in Mendoza. It was the worst part of the trip so far because we had all our bags and it was so heavy. But we didn't start getting annoyed or anything, which usually one would do. We started just feeling sorry for ourselves. haha.

Mendoza, Argentina, is a great place with lots of stuff to do. We met some sound people in the hostel. We also met unsound people but sher that's bound to happen!

It was in Mendoza where we went on a wine tasting trip. Not much wine was tasted I have to say! a few glasseens. Fairly harmless now! The trip consisted of 2 wineries, an olive oil factory and a chocolate factory (which was more like a kitchen). The 'chocolate factory' was just us listening to a man pointing at loads of bottles and speaking Spanish. Elaine did a massive yawn while he was talking. Hilarious!

We had a deadly all you can eat in Mendoza and there was a lad up on the stage who looked like Ronaldo and he was singing cheesy Latino stuff. Brilliant.

We went skiing on the border of Argentina and Chile. High in the mountains. The snow was perfect. An hour lesson and then skiing at our own leisure for the day. Great stuff. I picked it up fairly handy, I still don't know which I prefer, skiing or snowboarding. I do think skiing is easier though. Elaine picked skiing up easier than the snowboarding in Canada.

We were videoing each other coming down the mountain on the skis. The ONE video I didn't get... Elaine came flying down at a high speed, it was mad... but she could't stop properly in time... She went right past me and DESTROYED a baby who was in the seating area with its family. It was beyond funny. The baby was on a chair drinking Sprite happily, and it ended up on the ground 10 feet away, tangled up in the chair, the skis, the ski poles, Elaine, and the Sprite bottle. It was a mess! And of course the poor baby had a big cry. Elaine was very shocked and mortified! hahaha

We also got sunburnt to bits, but around our eyes was white because of the sunglasses. It was very embarrassing. That lasted about 6 days. Scald!

Next stop .... Buenos Aires!!! a 13 hour bus journey!

Santiago, Chile. Freezin'.

2008-07-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

The first song I heard in Chile was 'One' by Metallica. The lads who were checking the passports and stamping them were listening to Metallica. I was thinking "this is already the best country I've ever visited", haha!

We were freezing when we arrived in South America. It was early morning and we got a taxi through the dark, dirty and silent streets of a 5:00am Santiago. I suppose any town or city is going to be spooky and quiet at 5am and in the winter. The hostel let us sleep in a room for a few hours until check in time. Sound.

There is not much to write about Santiago. It was cold and just another city. I did like the amount of dogs around the place. It's great that stray dogs are tolerated down here! They are lying all over the place! If it was Ireland they would be put in the pound and eventually destroyed. Sly Ireland hating stray dogs.

Santiago is a smoggy city. It has a nice metro system though. The hostel was cool. They had a spaghetti night and there was a limited amount of free red wine. I availed. But there was a Scottish lad drinking everyones wine and I was way too sober for the occasion! He was a Rangers fan.

We only stayed there 2 nights and went to Valparaiso next. Another place with dogs everywhere! Great nightlife there if you go to the right part of the town. If you go to the wrong part of town, you are in the Enniskillen of Chile. We stayed one night. One LOCKED night. And there were pubs playing lots of Rammstein. Fantastico. Mendoza was the next stop. We got the bus towards there the next morning.

The Seattle Stopoff

2008-06-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

After the Southern USA stops, we had to go to Seattle to get our flight to Santiago, Chile. We bid farewell to old Deano at Seattle airport. He was about to make his way back to Toronto. Good old Toronto! He had work a few days later. Ah... paychecks...

Seattle was grand. We saw the Space Needle. Walked down cool streets. I could go on but it would just sound like every tourists description of a nice city. It was funny when we were in Seattle to think when you´re watching Frasier or Greys Anatomy that its all based in that city. Going by watching those shows I had a way different image of what the place would be like. That probably doesn´t make sense but I couldn´t be arsed deleting it!

Kurt Cobains old house is also here but we didnt bother. It's just a house. He has no grave because he got cremated. And Courtney Love says someone robbed his ashes earlier this month. She might be defined as 'The Ultimate Spa'.

So then we got the flight to Chile. On the flight there was a choice of 63 movies, loads of games, and loads of albums. Best flight ever. I watched ´Into The Wild´. Good show.

Tom Waits - Arizona and El Paso

2008-06-28T19:58:00.001-07:00

Being in Phoenix or El Paso is like being in a sauna, unless you are relieved by air conditioning indoors. I´m fine with being roasting outside after a winter in Toronto where -10 was considered a lovely mild day. Being out in 35 degrees plus was deadly. Lovely and cosy.

Phoenix was quiet enough. Old Deano and I went to an Irish Bar before seeing Tom Waits at The Orpheum. No photos were allowed, ah well. It has been a dream of mine for many years to see Tom Waits live and I never thought I would see the day where it would happen. I thought it would be impossible to get tickets for these gigs.

The concert was class. Tom had a platform he sang from, and the other musicians surrounded him. As well as the vocalist, he is also the conductor of the band. It´s amazing how it is done. He has a drummer, double bass player, keyboard guy, guitarist, and a sax player, but they all alternate between other instruments.

It was a great show full of memorable mad moments like a glittery hat that acted as a disco ball. There was only one song I did not know which I think was a new one. I was worried I wouldn´t know a lot of the stuff... but I was wrong to doubt my disturbingly extreme fanaticism.

We flew down to El Paso next and we even crossed the border to Mexico for a few hours where we stood out completely. Lots of people were annoying us. e.g. offering us drugs and stuff, by whispering ´Pharmacy? Pharmacy?´ But it was fine.

We just headed back across the border to see old Tom once again, in the Plaza Theatre. Elaine and I were on the balcony for this one. The setlist was alternated and the gig was just as excellent as the last. It´s always great to see Tom Waits.

Another highlight of El Paso was that we stayed in the hotel where John Dillinger stayed when he was spying on the bank down the street, planning to rob it with his gang. If you haven´t heard of Dillinger, look him up, it´s a great story. I have a photo of myself outside his hotel room! I am going skiing tomorrow so I have to go sleepies now. I´m in Mendoza. I hope I can faithfully keep this old blogaloon up to date.

BOP!

The B.C Buddies

2008-06-18T13:32:00.000-07:00

Visiting the Browns was great because we got to see some of the island. Everyone around Victoria seems to be absolutely loaded. And it was all very expensive. When we went back to Vancouver we met old Mark and Deano. The following nights were locked affairs obviously. Then Cathy came along from old Dublin to Canada and we went on an epic roadtrip up through the Rockies and headed to National Glacier park, Banff, the Columbia Icefields, Jasper and Whistler.

It was a rainy and cold expedition, due to clouds, mountains and altitude. But it was without doubt the most spectacular scenery I've ever seen. The participants of the trip were Elaine and I as drivers, and Mark, Deano and Cathy. Not to mention old Big Don, our 8 seater who was a pleasure to drive. Sorry about the scrape, Big Don.

Almost every night we struggled to get the campfire going. We had wonderful burgers and stuff. I dig barbeques and beer as you know. No wild animals attacked our tent. Although a mouse crawled briefly on Deanos back during one of our locked campfire sessions (not while he was asleep in the tent!)

There were no raccoon encounters, I'm glad to report, because I no longer enjoy their company after the Ontario roadtrips. We saw many elk and deer. We also saw a black bear and her cub. The cub was sound. They were having a wander along the side of a highway! The bear didn't seem to give a shite that we were all standing there gawking at it, which you are not supposed to do!

For those worried about Elaines sanity, no snakes were seen at all during the trip. Wait til South America! haha.

All in all there were around 6 nights of camping, and an indoor sleeping area was a welcome sight when we got home after Whistler. The last day had 13 hours of driving, and I'd say the cabin fever was growing!

We're in Phoenix Arizona now. The Texas Three are Elaine, Deano and me. We are going to see Tom Waits. I have never been this far south in the American Continent. Elaine and Deano are hungry so we are all going for old breakfast! aft.

Vancouver Island - epic

2008-06-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

After weeks of torturous organizing of flights and itineraries, selling furniture and getting vaccinations, we have landed in B.C. and we are staying with the Browns in Victoria, on Vancouver island. The air is fresher and the scenery is phenomenal!

We sadly left our friends behind in Toronto. It's easier to leave than to be left behind. Steve, Ash, Gabi, Elaine, Emma, Katie, Miranda, Richelle and Rhian, and of course the Bruces! I am sure we will see them all again in the coming years. They made our experience so much better.

We drank the remainder of our alcohol on the balcony before we went to the airport. Our baggage is ridiculous and we have decided to shed 50 to 60% of our stuff because we can't be hauling all that around. Lesson learned.

The ferry to the island was epic. Mountains an lakes all surrounded by trees. Now we are in Browns living room having a relax. Good buzz. They live on a lake and have a great view. Aftaw bruddaw. It's a bit like the scenery in the movie 'The Edge'!

Tobermory - Manitoulin Island - and beyond!!!

2008-05-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

After our peaceful time in Mount Forrest we continued further north (still in Southern Ontario). We arrived in Tobermory. The scenery was amazing, we stayed in a tiny native style log cabin. It was our 4 year anniversary and we got absolutely locked. Elaine tumbled over a fireplace. It was humorous.

We were espescially frightened of bears that night because we were very exposed. We had loads of Doritos in the car and in our cabin. There are Black Bear sightings in that area every few days.

My favourite alcoholic beverage over here is Rickards Red. It's an ale. I had about 14 that night. haha. I could have taken on a bear in that state haha (and been horribly mauled). The way to describe this area best would be to advise you to watch "Insomnia" with Robin Williams. Although it is set in Alaska, it portrays the same type of epic views of mountains, lake coastlines and forests accompanied with a small harbour town with 1 alcohol shop, 2 restaurants and a harbour...We took one of the last car ferries of the year from here to Manitoulin Island. This bay would be completely frozen over in a matter of weeks.

Perhaps I will describe our next host, Ira Murphy. He is an old friend of my parents who knew him when dad was going to college in a town nearby. What a guy! He lives on Fairy Lake, in New Liskeard, which is the furthest north we chose to travel in Ontario this time.

He has a dock with a Murphy's Irish Whiskey flag on it. It is the perfect place to live if you ask me. Along with the wooden dock, there is a canoe, and a paddleboat. There is also a bar in his cabin. "Gooooood". Elaine and I went out on the canoe. The water was still and we went around the whole lake. There are several other residences there, all with their own shoreline and docks.

Ira and his wife raised a tiger from its infancy until it could no longer be brought up in their residence. The cage where the tiger cub is still erected in the garden!

More from our Autumn road trips

2008-04-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

More from our Autumn road trips>>>

After Niagara we went through the US border, through NY state. They are not sound at the border. They have a big framed picture of Bush. I wanted to throw my bottle of coke at it but I would DEFINITELY be jailed for 6 years. They even took Elaines fingerprints at the border. I dont blame them, she's fairly dodgy.

We stayed in Brockville that night which is the 'Ennis' of Canada. Nothing to do and just makes you want to leave. Then on to Ottawa in our rented car called "Scottie". We called it "Scottie" because Nathan and Edels vehicle they have in Australia is called "Scootie" and mum kept referring to it as "Scottie". So we decided it would be handy for mum if there was such a vehicle as "Scottie". Good.

Ottawa is a bit quiet. We were staying with friends and all the beer stores were closed. So we drove to Quebec (the province!) to buy beer because they are more sound when it comes to selling beer at night. i.e. they do that.

On from there was Algonquin park where we camped for 2 nights. It wasn't as full of bears as I thought. I thought you wouldnt be able to move with the amount of bears.

It turned out we were camping on a tree-lined lake shore with loads of other campers around us with campfires and beers and barbeques. That's way better than being in a dark forest with loads of black bears.

We were warned about animals coming to steal food, and we did encounter such a threat. We got scalded by a raccoon. I remember the cartoon "Raccoons". They were sound raccoons. But don't be fooled. Raccoons are like those scumbags in templebar, except smaller and furrier.

This raccoon was peering at our delicious barbeque feast of 4 sausages, from behind a tree. I stamped at it and it didnt even flinch! that worried me! I couldnt shoo it away. And Elaine said, "will I look in the Lonely Planet to see what we should do?" Classic. Eventually I shook me guitar case at it and it jumped away. It was obviously afraid I would sing it a song.

The next morning the area was very serene. I could hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore. (wonderful). We went canoeing and it was really windy and choppy on the lake so we were going about 1 mile per hour. haha.

I would recommend camping in Rock Lake, Algonquin Park to anyone who wants to see how wonderful the Canadian wilderness can be. But do it when weather is good. and bring beer.

The morning we dropped Scottie back (our rented car), we had to get up while it was still dark. We were on a highway and there was a huge thunder and lightning storm, with huge drops of rain battering against our windshield. "The Road To Hell" by Chris Rea came on our CD player and it was so suited! very epic and atmospheric!

For more photos you can visit panthro555.bebo.com and check my photo albums.

The Fall of 2007

2008-04-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hi all my buddies!

I hope you are all doin ok. We have an apartment in Toronto and it's really central and on the subway line. The beer in Canada is all at least 5% alc, as opposed to the 4.3% you get in ireland. "Good." As Gooner said, I'm drinking Canada Dry.

I was a bum for ages cos they wouldnt give me my Social insurance number. So I was looking for gigs in bars the whole time so as not to "p*** my bank account up against a wall". I have 2 gigs per week in an Irish Bar called Mullins Alehouse and an Irish Bar named James Joyce. Which is a fake Irish bar because they don't like Irish music there. Which is what I'm hired to play - or "gaelic celt music" as they call it :D I'm loving all the muppets telling me they are two-thirteenths irish. "My great grandma was from Tipperkenny." wow.

When we got here in September we did the usual touristy stuff. The CN Tour, which has a glass floor that looks all the way down to the grand - terrifying. Then Niagara Falls, which is the most epic thing ever.

They have a bit of a Bundoran beside niagara falls with amusements and bars. the first place we went into was called "Fear Factory". We lasted about 30 seconds. They have a no refunds policy because so few people make it through the whole thing. They end up running, terrified, out the way they came! It was pitch dark. The first thing was a body on a table. Grand. But then a big wall of nails came flying at us. It was such a shock that Elaine actually fell over. hahahahahahaha!

So we kept going. It was so dark, I think that's what really freaked us out. our own imaginations! We were in such shock that walking a few feet more down the corridor, there was a horrifying growl noise from one of the characters and that just sent us out of there at 90mph! Elaine was screaming to turn on the lights. SO FUNNY. We got "chicken cards". We were number 84 thousand and something. I believe it. I dare anyone who visits Niagara Falls to go into "Fear Factory".

So then we went for a stiff drink. (in fact most of our chapters have that conclusion).

First post

2008-04-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

Good evening.

This is my first post. I am now officially one of those spa bloggers that thinks he is deadly preaching his stupid shite opinions and trying to make funny web type jokes. And putting up some stupid video from youtube he thinks that "everyone needs to watch".

Enjoy, friends. I will keep it as real as possible.

Oktoberfest = Bingofest

2008-04-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

On the 2nd leg of our Ontario road trip, we were at Oktoberfest, in Kitchener. A weekend in navan is more drunken than that! my first experience was some old people waltzing around a community centre, taking frequent breaks to drink from their TINY CUPS of beer.

And we saw 2 tiny old women dancing so we asked could we take a photo. Then an hour later the smaller of the 2 came over and said "i hope you arent making fun of me. I have a son and he is really quite tall!" We were kinda like.... who cares, and no we're not slaggin ya! then she gave us her address so we'd post her the photo. "I will in me ballix, little lady" I felt like sayin!!

The next night had a good jazz band which was fine. still no big pitchers of beer though. just little cups. ridiculous. I was bewildered at how this could be such a worldwide famous festival.

After Oktoberfest, we continued north to Mount Forrest where we stayed with the Goodalls. Old friends of the family. Dating back to the Lynn Lake days (70s and early 80s). When I fell down a metal staircase but did not die. I don't remember that though.

The Goodalls live in a vast flat area of Ontario. We saw some Mennonites in a horse and cart. They are people whose religion do not allow them to use cars as transport. they have to go by horse and cart. Unbelievable. Even though some of them have mobile phones, they have no cars. Silly billys.

I found out today that sloths sleep for 20 hours per day. They are a wierd looking monkey type creature with long arms. I think that's the kinda animal I would like to be.

Arrival

2008-04-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

Elaine and I started in Keswick, Ontario, with the intention of soon getting jobs and maybe some pub gigs. Not before a little tour of the province, though.

Decided that since its not summer then it must be snowy in canada. wrong. feckin 32 degrees yesterday. When I got off the plane last friday in a big furry winter coat, people were nearly laughing at me! A big hefty female security guard said "I think you'll find you're a little overdressed." So the first experience I had with a Canadian was a sarcastic remark. I gave her an uppercut, and went on my way.

Things are really different over here. Everywhere there would be a pub in Ireland, these lads have Fast Food places instead. They love the pizza and chicken and all that! There are alot of round people, needless to say, but there is an ample amount of 'baby girls' aswell.
"Hey little baby girl, you kno wum sayin?"

Let's clear the air on one thing before I continue. Canadians cannot drink. There is the odd 'experienced drinker' who usually works in a bar, who tells you they could drink you under the table. If you ask them how so, they will proudly boast that they once drank 6 whiskey and cokes in the space of 2 hours.

It's best to just gasp and say "wow".